Monday, February 15, 2010

This living business

The little children overhead are RAMPAGING. Like, it's possible they killed their parents and are running mad and will soon take over the world with their little hands and small teeth and pounding feet. Just wanted to sound a warning.

OK, and Sucio is wildly attacking the corner of the clean duvet cover tossed on the bed. I'm pretty sure he's gonna vanquish it, but I'll keep you posted. Those duvet covers can be crafty.

So. Today is a day I categorized in the following ways to friends:
  • the soup du jour was rejection (personal AND professional - TWO flavors! just checked emails and they came 3 minutes apart -- note, while I was ultimately unsuccessfully looking for parking for my boxing class)
  • a day in which I would not:
    -buy a lottery ticket
    -walk on a tightrope
    -stand outside in a lightning storm
I guess not a great day is what I'm trying to say. Subtle, wasn't I?

So, here come the whole parade of emotions that come with non-great days, always fun (and from a non-emotional perspective, the array is kind of interesting, like all the colors in a bruise - ooh, look at that one! oh wow, look, there's a new one! oh, haven't seen THAT before!).

But ... perspective, perspective counts here. The emotions are validly hard, and it's true, I'd rather not get to experience them (thanks all the same). But, they're also not so very bad, really. I mean, I look around at my life and all the good and all the potential -- and think about others' bigger struggles -- and I can't ignore that. I mean, I don't have to get up and go to a job I hate tomorrow, for starters. And I have so many people in my life who love me so ridiculously much, who are there for me in a second. So in many senses -- lucky, lucky me.

Of course, when the hard and the sad and the sting descend, all that positive makes the ouch no less real, and I wouldn't want it to be. Well, intellectually I wouldn't want it to be. When it descends emotionally, it feels like crap and most of us aren't raising our hands and asking for more.

But you know what -- they were both cool opportunities. They could've been awesome. Would I forgo this hard to not have the opportunity? Not in a second.

I can gather some shreds of philosophical comfort around me, even in the midst of the hard -- these aren't tear-your-heart-and-soul-apart hard, these are simply life happening. This is me, walking on life's path. I'll take it. I sure don't always manage it, but I want to make my choices clear-eyed, nodding at the risks, listening to myself, head high, hopefully with a laugh nearby, making the jump. It's how I want to live. Let's see if I can remember that over the next few weeks while hard fades.

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