Monday, April 19, 2010

The weekender: Awesomeness = roller derby and homegrown fried candy bars

Yes, the universal markers of weekend goodness.

Also dispassionately observing how sometimes the weekender slides into Monday. Well, it is a holiday.

So, roller derby. So much great. Truly, unbelievably. I seem to have missed it in its 70s heyday (thanks, Mom & Dad), but it probably enables me to appreciate it oh-so much more now.

Also, unrelatedly, how great is Pearl Jam's Just Breathe? Truly. I'm not even a Pearl Jam fan, but this song is nearly making me one.

OK, roller derby. It's hard to put words on the spectacle. Take a Shriners' auditorium, complete with, yes, old men in fezzes. I mean, that alone, that right there.... Then, you add crazy-great women of all sizes on roller skates and hot pants (some glittery) hip-checking each other, trying to get their zippiest teammate around a tape-delinated oval track first. There were all kinds of things and strategies and hand motions and such my friend and I puzzled over and made up our own rules about, but it was just so great.

And then names, the names...! It starts with team names: Boston Massacre, Cosmonaughties, Nutcrackers, Wicked Pissahs ... and continues on to the players themselves: Killary Clinton, Heavy Flo (uh...), Lady Shatterly, Gloria Grindem ... there were many more that my brain can't recall. Also, also, there was a giant lobster running around the stands. And a, um, large walking bag of nuts, and two accompanying adorable child-squirrels, the tiniest of which soundly won a half-time danceoff with a robot. I haven't started taking drugs, this is simply the goodness of life all around you, just waiting for you to venture into a Shriners' stadium to discover.

I tried finding a T-shirt for my brother because, really, what better way to say happy birthday to a fire battalion chief? I thought so, too. Alas, they don't make the shirts big enough! So, naturally, I had to comfort myself with finding one for me. The Boston Massacres just weren't my size, I thought, so I headed for a Nutcracker, only to find ... it's snug. Of course, as my friend pointed out ... if you're wearing such a shirt ... it kinda has to be. It's just an unspoken rule. So, I've got my pink-emblazoned mace-thing-across-chest goin' on.

The weekend closed with a gathering at a friend's that culminated in ... a fry-off of sorts? It started with fried candy bars, but her friend is a crazy chef and pretty soon was tossing in hot dog pieces, cornbread souffle chunks, mac & cheese (OMG good), and then, then ... he takes his giant multi-pound hamburger in bun with bacon mayo (oh yes, this: he fries up a few pounds of bacon, purees it, makes his own mayo, and combines ... wordlessness ... yes, it is in these rare moments I surely wish I ate meat), lettuce and fixings, dunks it in the batter, sticks toothpicks in it ... and fries it. He had an audience of about six of us at this point, a pot of boiling oil, all of us awaiting an explosion or disaster to occur. He pronounced the fried burger great. The rest of us were too fried or scared to sample. Greatness....


  1. Hay! This showed up in my google alerts. Thanks for coming out to our april 17th bout, and its great to know you had a good time! Its exciting to hear when people realize there's more than "chicks on skates! hitting each other!" and start to notice that there is strategy, rules, and a whole lot of multitasking going on. People who are way into sports say derby is the only team sport where you're actively playing offense and defense simultaneously.

    Our next date is May 15th. The Allstars (massacre) are taking Oly Rollers from Olympia, WA. Oly is a great team who hadn't played a sanctioned interleague game before 2009 and then proceeded to kick everyone's tushies and take home the championship at the National Tournament. All of the champions before Oly had been playing competitively since 2005 and earlier so they're definitely a cinderella story. Sort of. Their team has olympic and world level athletes on it for speed skating and quad hockey. (really!)

    And Cosmonaughties are going after the Wicked Pissahs which will hopefully be as much of a nail biter as I'm expecting.

    Our last three bouts have sold out, so here's the ticket link if you'll be coming again.

    -anna, boston massacre.

  2. Ohmygosh! A Derbyer! A Massacre Derbyer no less! This is v exciting! HAY back, Anna, thanks for visiting.

    To any Boston-area folks, you heard her, go buy tickets now! They'll keep selling out and you'll be left at home alone, sad and derbyless. And, even if you're not a Boston-area folk, clearly derby action is everywhere, so do some investigating to see what's in your own backyard. Then we can scream from our respective coasts when our respective teams battle through a bout, like the upcoming one Anna mentioned.

    Last burning question if Anna sees this: WHAT in the HECK was the creature-thing running around in the Cosmo/Nut bout in a blue jumpsuit and animal/monster mask? Seriously, we debated the whole time, couldn't remotely figure it out. The mascot needs a sign!