Fine Lines

Like, whoa

2011-11-03T20:15:00.000-04:00

Just had to, you know...still see if I could....

A little-known fact ...

2011-05-08T15:13:00.002-04:00

Willa likes string cheese. Yes.

Didn't know that, did you? She's currently scarfing my snack....

A glimpse at my past week ...

2011-04-10T19:02:00.001-04:00

The upstarts

2011-03-27T11:28:00.004-04:00

It's true that I didn't immediately register them. And, really, it's been so long, I should've.

They're exciting little buggers, to be sure, but you do have to be paying attention to see them.

In my defense, it's been a long winter. That isn't a very good defense. I already felt nostalgic for snow before it had all melted. Which it decidedly has by now.

Outside, a slew of bubbles are buffeting by the window, driven by the stiff spring breeze. Little wisps of iridescent optimism issued by a happy child somewhere.

Back to the upstarts. My second line of defense is that it was approaching dusk. Still kinda'a weak defense.

My third line, maybe my best, is I did have 45 pounds on my back, and a hill I was trudging up. Distracting, you know? All that panting. But it was only when I saw the second set, with a third nearby, that I realized I'd seen the first without registering it, a little farther back down the hill.

Little flower shoots. Tightly furled against the barely-spring air. But most definitely there. White and purple. Like bunnies, they'll soon be everywhere, may already be. The upstarts of spring. Them and the bubbles.

The world lost last week

2011-03-06T15:45:00.001-05:00

Last week, we became one bright spark dimmer. One always-friendly face less. An embodiment of sweetness & kindness, now gone. The boathouse, dock, and river will be lonelier. An unfinished life now finished.

Last week, the world lost Ann Fitzgerald.

***

I don't think we ever get used to death, unless perhaps we live in a war zone. Long illness might help us brace ourselves a little more, but if we don't know about the illness, the news comes as much of a shock as a sudden accident.

And death, and its accompanying emotions of surprise and grief, also become puzzling for me when the person wasn't a core part of my life. It's still a loss. There's still grieving. But I find myself not knowing just how to react when the loss is a lighter shade of gray -- not an all-out blackout as when it's someone near & dear, not a pale gray as when it's a celebrity or someone distantly known and the loss is more theoretical or intellectual. It's all those shades of grey in between that get perplexing.

***

I'm not at the boathouse often these days while the river is still frozen, but I was there yesterday, and found Ann very much in my thoughts. As the ice starts to break up over the water, and rowers' water time is fast approaching, I feel her loss & absence. For a purely recreational sculler, too shy or unsure of her ability to come to the coached sessions, she was braver than I when it came to going out in cold & wind. But she'd never gone into the basin w/ its nearly ever-present windy, choppy conditions, so one time we took a 2x into the basin. It was a gorgeous day, the sky a brilliant blue. I find myself cherishing that memory, that first, I was able to give her.

Going for my weekly volunteering last week, tho I haven't seen her all school year, I find myself cast back to last year when I saw her every week. We'd usually meet in the Trader Joe's parking lot & walk over to the school, chatting about her pottery classes or my jobless/freelancing state. She'd always ask how I was doing, how it was coming. She was always positive & encouraging. Afterward, we'd often head over to the boathouse for a row or maybe an erg, b/c our schedules allowed it.

I never knew she was sick, let alone that it was cancer. I don't know how long she knew, either.

Casting about for some way to honor & memorialize her, perhaps looking for something concrete to mark the loss?, I received an email about a fundraising event for fighting cancer, this year open to rowers for the first time. Not really a competitive event, you can choose the distance, up to 20 miles, & boat size, from a single to an eight. I think she'd love it. I think she'd have wanted to do it. I'll do it for her, wishing I could do it with her instead.

Best sight of the week

2011-02-26T20:28:00.001-05:00

Driving somewhere one of these days this past week, I drove by a UPS truck parked at the side of the road. In the dust on the back of the truck, someone's finger had written:

I pick things up
I put them down

Is that not the greatest?

A bonus day

2011-02-21T06:25:00.002-05:00

That's how I look at a holiday Monday, a bonus weekend pearl, tossed my way. Altho another part of me whispers that weekdays are days, too, weekdays are surely a pretty big part of living. Which I have to agree with. As I also agree that sitting on my couch on an early morning (here's Willa, hi, Willa! she's coveting my lap, or more likely just the attention my keyboard's getting) ...

***
Pardon the interruption, we just had an unfortunate somewhat-explosive barf episode -- lotsa water, some cat food nuggets. Willa, not me. Sucio is now the couch companion.
***

As I was saying ... sitting on my couch on an early morning with my first cup of strong, dark, sweet tea, some trail mix (hey, it appealed), and one gato or another on the couch, and SNOW (!) falling outside ... it's nice to be here anytime, but all the more on a "workday."

I'm happy to see snow again. I'm going to have to save that secret for your reading eyes, my occasional, meandering reader, as someone hereabouts really might shoot me if I express snow happiness or desire for more. But white fluffy stuff coming down from the sky is still magic in my book.

When 4-leggeds aren't adorable

2011-02-05T16:38:00.003-05:00

So, this morning, Willa, whom I generally adore, but who has been having issues lately, leading me to wonder if a cat can have eating disorders ... she barfed ... well, everywhere.

Multiple times.

This is a cat who shakes her head and runs as she barfs.

I'm sympathetic ... up to a point -- we all hate to barf, but you don't see the rest of us shaking our heads and running as we do so.

Anyway, I emerge from the bathroom after one of her barf-o-rama rounds and find she has barfed both on top of and -- wait for it -- inside my workout shoes.

Inside.

Like, I look down into the shoe and see a puddle of cat vomit.

I take the poor shoe to the bathroom sink and clean it off as best I can, and as I'm peering into it, I see a stream of cat vomit flowing thru the length of the shoe. Yes.

What more can I say?

Blizzardfest!

2011-01-12T07:47:00.002-05:00

Not so much as a peep about a blizzard the first five-ish years I live here, and then TWO in less than a month??

Excitin' stuff.

I just saw a runner go by on the main road, wearing ski goggles.

It's heavy, wet snow, so I woke up to a winter wonderland, even though I think only a few to handful of inches have fallen. Every bare tree limb is thickly coated, as well as fences, power lines, bushes, anything outdoors and not mobile. And those are some big snowflakes falling out there!

Weather.com calls for (red-boxed) Severe Weather until 9:15, then just snow & wind all day, until the 2:00 blizzard hits. Weather is so funny.

The loveliness of powdered sugar

2011-01-07T20:07:00.002-05:00

It's snowing lightly, everything looks powdered-sugar dusted. Like a giant sieve in the sky is lightly grating loveliness down upon us.

Cliche, I know, but still true, still lovely.

I marvel at the snow; it's still a novelty.

Tonight in yoga, catching glimpses of it drifting down in the circle cast by the streetlight, I wondered what could be lovelier and more zen than falling snow during yoga.

Wonderland Marble

2010-12-31T17:21:00.003-05:00

Every day of my Marblehead commute, I meant to write about this, so why not now? Why not?

Wonderland Marble. A little out-of-business ... marble shop? A whiteish (once white), old, small, one-level building, with a small parking lot, and a chainlink fence surrounding the whole thing, weeds growing along the edges.

What made me love it, what made me look for it almost every drive, and feel regretful if I forgot, was the statue in the front corner of the parking lot, behind the chainlink fence. I only got a few quick glimpses of it on each drive home because of where it was positioned. I always wanted more; I thought about trying to pull over and park somewhere, but never did. I couldn't see the statue on the drive in; it was just past an intersection on Route 1A, a busy 4-laner, right where you were picking up speed for one of its straight stretches.

I feel stupid saying it, but I'm not positive what the statue was. It was white, or once white, like the building. I think it was one of those sad-faced Madonna types, looking downward. Or it could've been an angel. But I think it wasn't. It was something female, noble looking, looking downward. I loved it. The closed, faded, run-down-ness of the building, once a presumably thriving business, with only a marble figure left to bear witness to the glory days. And had she always been there? Alongside the busy highway, a silent, effective advertising for the business? Or was she placed there as the business closed? A final farewell, a desire to not let her gather dust in a forgotten building, with no eyes to see her?

Somehow, I loved all of it. The name Wonderland Marble itself -- incredibly straightforward as a business name, like Boston Hardware, yet completely poetic because of the very words. "Wonderland" as a name of a town, or is it an area?, never ceases to cause a sense of, well, wonder in me, all the more so since I've never seen anything in Wonderland to cause any wonder ... except for our marble statue.

And I loved this beautiful, graceful statue, up against a chainlink fence and weeds, alongside the rushing highway and unseeing eyes, backed up against the now-closed Greyhound racing track, across the street from the Wonderland T station, filled with streaming commuters each morning, and the Wonderland Ballroom, another relic from another time.

Highs & lows

2010-12-08T21:31:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow: 29 and 13.

Ha. What did you think I was talking about??

I miss you, too....

It's a tease, y'all

2010-11-14T20:52:00.003-05:00

As each weekend draws to a close and I start the workweek scramble, I am shocked it's somehow yet another weekend in which I haven't managed a blog entry -- this thing I love, that I spend plenty of waking moments thinking about, that I walk around composing posts in my head for that never make it to ... was going to say paper, but clearly screen is the right noun. And, I think I've already banned myself from posts in which I talk about not posting. Huh.

Things I want to talk about:
Wonderland Marble -- oh, really, this one. Really.
The heartbreak of my newspaper cancellation -- and a sweet saving grace
My new feud w/ the Brookline parking people ... accusing me of something I didn't do and then not believing me...! ! ! The indignation!

So, apparently I now post previews, and we all hold our collective breath for the posts to follow....

Ghosts of the Charles

2010-10-25T17:58:00.001-04:00

Morning after.

Overcast sky, the river more than just silent, empty -- devoid. But still reverberating under the silent air are the weekend's sounds: rowers' cries, panting breaths, clashing oars, cox'ns calls, announcer's amplified words, spectators' screams. You can feel it in the air still, not fully dissipated.

Shells of white tents, empty of bodies, chairs, merchandise, food and drink, line the river. The bright-blue-and-white Head of the Charles banner still hangs from Cambridge Boat Club, but the finish line banner is gone.

I have the river almost to myself, an unsurprising fact I discovered a few years back, and now it is a bit of a tradition for me to row the course on my own, feeling the energy of the weekend draining as the river reclaims itself in silence and calm water.

On the way back, I see the beautiful blue heron who graces our river. Long-legged, dignified, shadows of blue and grey. I stop when I see him, let Pepper drift, realize we are the only souls on the river. Well, us and the ghosts of the Charles....

Fall, it fell

2010-10-17T14:50:00.003-04:00

Except, naturally, as I write this, New England weather needs to mock me by being low 60s and sunny. Whatever. Generally speaking, I speak the truth.

More trees are looking gorgeous in their fiery fall finery (how could I resist that sequence?), we've had frost warnings, the building's radiators are most definitely on, gazing at a week's forecast, I'm now seeing highs in the 50s ... and I'm starting to freak about Pepper's miles (ah-gain). Yes, it's definitely fall.

Next weekend, Head of the Charles, yi. No racing for me this year, and I'm all right w/ that. I'll be on the course all weekend, soaking it up, screaming for Riverside at every blue-and-white stripey blade that goes by. Good times.

Happy Fall, y'all (it rhymes!).

Photos (+ results) from the fight!

2010-10-16T13:01:00.004-04:00

Belatedly, it dawns on me that I should offer some visuals from the awesomeness that was Fight Gone Bad. Right?

First link is still photos from my gym's FGB. Mercifully, I am barely featured! But they give a nice slice of the intensity.

http://saintclairstudio.smugmug.com/Client-Galleries/CFB/Fight-Gone-Bad/14028475_BU9iB#1032310626_PHA5f

If you want more, and more live action, here's a link to videos that gyms around the world made of their FGBs:

http://vimeo.com/groups/fgb5

The fundraising went amazingly, to which I credit all you fantastic folks! My goal was $250; y'all stepped way the hell up and donated $740. ! ! Money well spent for some great causes. Thank you all so much, donators and not alike, for all your support, always.

Oh yeah, and I did the harder version (v glad I did) ... and my grand total was 199. Which made me laugh. Really? I didn't have one more rep in me?? Course, you don't know your score til after, but a good reminder/fuel for next time....

Fall! Head season!

2010-10-10T10:42:00.004-04:00

No moaning & groaning about time elapsed since last post. Not gonna do it.

No tears spilling over how much I miss daily posting. Goes without being said.

What's new is fall. Here, most definitely. Trees are beginning to turn, one gorgeous red-leafed spotting so far, but just the one. Crispness underlies the air, even in the warm sun. Last night, a frost warning, lows in the high 30s. Also, the great fall marker: Head of the Charles season -- the banners are up at the bridges, making it official.

This morning was the second "Head of the Kevin," my club's awesome pre-HOCR race series, featuring a complex scoring system in which everyone races for points against the time standard for their event at HOCR. The Heads of the Kevin (named after their founder, who still runs them) are always grand fun, everyone gets really into it and smack talks all over our email list, there's a big breakfast spread after each one ... it's all generally excellent.

This one was particularly great for me as I got to race in it -- our masters 8 needed a sub, so in I went. Heading out my front door at 5:50, the stars were bright overhead, which made me smile. I do miss the consistent early team-rowing mornings, if not the sleep deprivation. No racing for me since last HOCR, so I was a little worried about, you know, dying, but it was fun! I mean, really painful fun in which you're gasping for breath and knowing you can't keep going except you do ... fun!

Every year, HOCR season plays out a little differently for me, and I never know in advance just how it's going to be. This year, it's not looking highly likely I'll race. It's possible, if I make weight, that I could race in a lightweight 4+. If. I've never made weight while lifting, and since I sure wasn't about to stop CrossFit, and the boat is iffy/not clear how it'll come together/definitely a "jump in and go" kind of thing ... I'm giving it a shot, but can't say I'm in the weight-loss business full heart and soul. Which I may need to be. But, I'm trying. That's all I can ask for. We start practices tomorrow, which means no sweep rowing for a year then BOOM! Go! Daily practices! Early in the o'dark mornings! Should be interesting.

Fighting the fight

2010-09-26T21:24:00.003-04:00

Dear Blog,

HOW I MISS YOU!!

And how I fear that's the only thing I'll manage to write, whenever I can scrimp a minute, hunched over my computer, already past my hour to get a full night's sleep, which is no way to start a week (and I don't want to hear it from any medical residents!). Not sure what to do with the feeling that my best may not be good enough. Obviously, it is, and it's (shocker) all I can do. And yet....

On a happier note, I will say Fight Gone Bad on Saturday was AWESOME! Much greatness. A workout to nearly kill you, then many hours of screaming and cheering for others going through the same pain. And great to remember those we're doing it for -- all those who are fighting much harder battles than that one....

Wave crashes, wave recedes

2010-09-19T20:23:00.003-04:00

And there goes another wave of a week, curling back from the shore, regathering itself to reform again. It's just the cycle of life, but I don't know when I'll stop being surprised by how quickly it passes.

The update from the last post is that this fundraising business, which is quite hard for me, has gone beyond-wonderous-imaginings wonderful. I am so fortunate to have so many compassionate and splendid beings in my orbit. I definitely surpassed my goal of $250, am now up to $470. So wonderful.

Suce is purring next to me on the couch, I have candlelight and Deep Forest playing, and some tasty tofettes , now devoured. Yep, it's past bedtime; you didn't expect anything different.

One more update update -- Friday was my inaugural work from home day! It went quite well, altho I was fairly anxious about it -- worried I wouldn't be able to access what I needed to get my large pile of work done. But, work it did, so that will be continued, pretty great.

All my other bouncing thoughts will have to be funneled through the week, however I can manage....

Doing hard things for good causes

2010-09-06T13:44:00.000-04:00

I have a dilemma.

I'm doing a fundraiser to, well, raise funds for 3 really good causes. And I hate asking people for money!

So, in my case, the hard thing is fundraising, not the fundraiser itself, although it's a killer workout. My goal is to raise $250, so if most folks I know gave even a few dollars (and, let me be clear -- zero shame in that, I'd be psyched), it would add up quick. Sure, it would take more than 200 folks pitching in $1 (I'm pitching in here, too!), but at $5 each, it would take 45 folks -- doable! Or, the wild spenders at $10 each, only 22.5 of those, or so. So, I'm just going to put it out here, and figure out how to non-obnoxiously proceed.

The fundraiser:
A CrossFit workout called Fight Gone Bad. You spend one minute at each of five stations, resulting in a a five-minute round, after which a one-minute break is allowed before repeating. This event calls for three rounds. The clock does not reset or stop between exercises. On call of "rotate," the athletes must move to the next station immediately. One point is given for each rep, except on the rower, where each calorie is one point.

The stations are:

Wall-ball, 10 ft target (Reps)
Sumo deadlift high-pull (Reps)
Box jump (Reps)
Push-press (Reps)
Row (Calories)

The four divisions are:

Class A: Standard Men = 75lb push-press and sumo deadlift high pull, 20lb wall- ball and 20 inch box jump
Class B: Modified Men/Standard Women = 55lb push-press and sumo deadlift high pull, 14lb wall-ball and 20 inch box Jump
Class C: Intermediate = 35lb push-press and sumo deadlift high pull, 8lb wall-ball and 20 inch box Jump (step ups are okay)
Class D: Beginner/Kids = 15lb push-press and sumo deadlift high pull, 4lb wall-ball (can be lowered to 8 foot target) and 10 inch box jumps

The causes:

Lance Armstrong Foundation identifies and acts on the issues faced by cancer survivors in order to comprehensively improve quality of life for members of the global cancer community.

Wounded Warrior Project believes the greatest casualty is being forgotten. WWP provides unique, direct programs and services to meet the needs of severely injured service members.

CrossFit Foundation provides support and assistance to the CrossFit community, the men and women of the military, law enforcement and first responder communities and their families in times of need.

The donation place:

https://rapidgiving.com/fundraising/page/3306/shanas-fight-gone-bad-for-the-greater-good

What I do all day

2010-09-06T13:16:00.000-04:00

So, one of the things I'm way past due to report is what-all I spend my days doing. Some of you have professed great mystery as to these doings. And it's true, it is deep, dark and mysterious. Can't blame you for wondering.

Y'all know I'm a writer and an editor, naturally. So, to buy the kitty food these days, I'm doing marketing writing and promotions for a healthcare company.

My specific group mainly targets high-level hospital executives with a variety of informational products -- a magazine, a news website, newsletters and e-letters, live seminars/events and webcasts, stuff like that. The volume of products and promotions the company puts out is impressive, so I'm mostly spending my time scurrying around to write copy for the new stuff and get email and direct mail promotions and banners and web pages out the door for existing stuff, so that involves a little writing, some editing, lots of checking, proofing, and mostly, just systems and codes and things that make my head spin.

The actual work work of it is pretty clearcut and cool. The systems around all that ... ay yi yi. But, incrementally, I'm learning.

I do still hold the freelance dream, would love to return to that and be able to support myself, and I think it's doable, I just don't quite know how yet. But I'm keeping a little, little going on the side, so that feels like something.

And now the deep, dark mystery is solved, and you can sleep at night.

Fall came visiting

2010-09-05T21:20:00.002-04:00

Today, it was fall. A gorgeous day, sunny, brilliantly blue skies and fluffy white clouds, but crispness in the air and a cooler wind blowing all day. Fans off all day, jeans on, even a long-sleeve shirt when the sun hid.

I had dreams and goals and aims of productivity today. I did. And I made same little rivulet inroads, just not quite what I had planned. But I have tomorrow! Nothing like a deadline, is there?

Four days off has been sheer, pure heaven. Time to just be, and to live. Kicking the cold, bonding with the furballs. I belatedly discovered Willa started a hunger strike :( so I've been bribing her to eat again with tuna. Oh, gatos.

Part of what waylaid my productivity today was starting Run by Ann Patchett. Loving it. Been so long since I read a good book I could just fall into. And in fact, that's what's tugging me away, this very moment....

Summer's good-bye?

2010-09-02T20:17:00.002-04:00

Today, languid with heat, 90-something, humid, maybe the fifth day like this? Tonight, tomorrow promises a break -- potentially a hurricane break.

I am taking tomorrow OFF. Off.

Which means I have a four-day weekend. Four days. I hardly know what to do with myself. Except, I know exactly what to do with myself -- get my life/act together! All that crap that's been sitting around, hanging on me, gathering dust in my brain, creating bad lurking consequences. Time to get that stuff done. And kick this cold. Day 3, sore throat is impressive, no matter how much tea and water I drink.

So, this is me, Labor Day weekend.

And today, I found out my boss is leaving the company. Hm. Surprises to come.

This weekend, there will be an exciting post on precisely what is is I do all day, since I somehow seemingly haven't told y'all! Thought I had....

Now, for some more Cold Care P.M. tea.

On being a living oxymoron

2010-08-31T20:42:00.002-04:00

Or, having a cold on a 90-something day.

Drinking hot "throat coat" tea on a night still so hot I just turned on the bedroom unit a/c and my feet are puffy and red from heat.

Also forgot Aug 31 is National Student Move Day, which made the drive home and through the surrounding student neighborhoods of Allston/Brighton extra fun.

On the brighter side, I've somehow managed to force myself to do some crap I've been putting off, to my high annoyance, including finally finding an Internet company I could get through to and presumably give my money to, which was the barrier blocking me starting to telecommute a few days. Dumb, I know, but sometimes we humans....

Now, to sleep for 100 days and nights, if not 100 years.

Another

2010-08-29T21:53:00.002-04:00

Another weekend gone in a blink, with good fun, but too fast gone.

Another night, later than I want to be awake, and another time of my saying that.

Another moment of feeling all that is undone and all that is pressing and all that is needed -- versus what I have done, can do, have the capacity to do.

In other words, another Sunday night.

Ridiculous fun

2010-08-28T22:58:00.002-04:00

This would be the morning's Spartan race.

SO much fun!

A 5k run that went up & down a mountain (at one point, scrambling on my hands & feet was the fastest way up) with 12 obstacles interspersed, including wall & cargo net climbs, mud pits (one with barbed wire stretched above to ensure crawling), a water cannon, bushwacking, jumping over a fire, spear throw, gladiators who tried to block you....

Lotsa fun.

Thought I might have a few fun war wounds, but just some scratches. Apparently heats after mine had to deal with angry bees. Not sorry to miss that.

No bueno!

2010-08-27T21:36:00.000-04:00

As in, all this silencio! It's been killing me! I missmissmissMISSmiss my blog baby! That's the longest no-writing stretch since I stared it on that fine November 2 day. Bums me out. That's a full-time job for you, with an hour commute each way. Yep, there it is.

Not that I'm going to spend the whole post moping. It'll just be a theme. The "no time" business, it gets old. Which is why everyone talks about time management all the time. And yet....

Lots of mixed emotions here. Also, I feel the week's dreams hovering, but not really materializing. Maybe when my sleep gets short, it thins the barrier between waking and sleeping worlds. Maybe.

It's been a hard week. Didn't make it to a single workout I'd intended, and that's saying a lot for me. I made a few impromptu ones happen. And I'm trying to be content with that. It's something, just not what I ant, not want I want my life to be like.

Tomorrow is my crazy Spartan Race, so that'll be a ton of fun; I'll plunk down a report here, fear not. And yes, the work stories, they're past due; it's just usually the last thing I want or have energy to do after getting home, I guess. I dunno. Life, sometimes it's like this.

Monday winddown

2010-08-16T19:34:00.003-04:00

Gato time on the couch. There's purring. Shedding. Drooling. Kneading. Staring. Sometimes glaring. But contentedness, generally. It's pretty grand. I think Sucio is now double the size of Willa. sigh.

Out one window it looks to be dusk. The other, still late afternoon.

A Monday draws to a close. I'm grateful for a calm day, even as it looks like it'll heat back up to crazy. But crazy is relative, highly relative.

Mostly, I'm still working to find overarching peace and contentment in a busy working life, and a pretty simple life outside that. It's generally seeming to work, although there are dips. Last week I was just exhausted. So I switched to my "no less than 7 hours' sleep" rule, even if it meant missing a workout or something else. :( Looking to get back to a few early mornings, good workouts, a few down nights.

And that's kind of life! Exciting, no?

The power of possibility

2010-08-15T16:35:00.004-04:00

Friday night I got to witness something amazing. My friend's nonprofit, Mssng Lnks, partnered with Opera Boston and got a grant from the Boston Foundation to create a two-week intensive workshop for urban kids, resulting in a performance at the end. That performance was on Friday (the 13th, no less).

Performances with kids are often sweet, cute, well-intentioned, good growth opportunities, important to support.... But with this performance, three professional opera singers were also involved, and the kids were good, so it was all those things you want to support, but also a fantastic performance.

Titled Bohemian Faces, the performance, loosely based on La Boheme, was held in a space renovated to build community and cultural opportunities in the heart of Roxbury. The cast was made up of 14- to 20-year-olds of varying ethnicities, and the three professional singers were black. In addition to being a great performance with powerful singing, you could feel what it might mean to the audience, perhaps seeing and hearing opera live for the first time, and almost certainly, witnessing for the first time amazing classical performers with voices that blew you away ... and who looked like them.

One of the things I loved so much was not only how good it was artistically, but that it concretely, specifically made our world better, simply for its happening. And who knows what it might ultimately yield, for the kids, for the singers, for the audience, for the community?

Still here, still going

2010-08-10T20:41:00.003-04:00

Well. This seems to be turning into an all weekender blog! Not my original intent, just my current reality. I'm suddenly noting yet again how distressingly easy it becomes for a habit to fade, even a habit you (well, I) love. So, like anything else in life worth our energy, I'll just keep doing my best.

Made it through four weeks of work, so seems like it'll be survivable. Busy, lots of volume and deadlines, but once I actually know how to do things, hopefully I'll get more efficient. I like the variety of projects I get to work on, and it'll yield good experience.

I've only talked about work in generalities, so I need to do some coloring between the lines. Just not when my bed and I are eager for our reunion -- it's been so long, you know -- a whole day.

On the commuting front, it's looking to be about 10 hours a week in the car, more or less. And I find it's funny how the drive seems to transpire in one of two ways: 1) I notice details in the landscape, both things I've already seen that I enjoy or catch my eye, but also things my eyes will suddenly alight upon for the first time, and sometimes they're quite large things, so I'm left wondering if this thing suddenly sprouted overnight, or if it's been there all along and I've never seen it -- but how could that be possible? I know the answer is the latter, but that's a little freaky, how unobservant we can be to our surroundings. Or, 2) I'm driving in that semi-mindless/zone-y space, where I'm paying attention to my driving, but not really noticing scenery details. I like the first way better, guess it just depends on how sunk into my mind I am. This week I was just tired, tired, so there wasn't a lot of scenery-noticing going on.

The Weekender: Gone, gone, gone

2010-08-08T21:03:00.002-04:00

Sad but true.

whooooooosh

That was your weekend! So be it. It was a good one.

Let's see, there was a good workout, not too crazy (and I think I'm wrapping up my week's worth of admiration of all my lovely bruises all over my legs -- particularly lovely, the purple slash bruises on the thighs -- from last weekend's boot camp).

There was some house tidying that managed to take two days -- not exciting, but very key for calm living and non-exploding. There was a sitting in the nearby park and hearing of many stories making up what will be Mr Sam's fabulous wundebar kids' musical next Friday.

There was a driving to Maine. Maine! Visiting a SD friend, enjoying the lovely Maine coast, particularly enjoyable while eating a large chocolate oreo-something ice cream in a cone on the walk back. Particularly while three of us were bent over laughing uncontrollably in the street over ... never mind, you really did have to be there. Let's just say the topic involved getting stuck in a sports bra. Ladies, you know the likes of what we were talking about. And then I fell off the curb. For real. But I was OK. Apart from jarring my already-sore wrist.

Then there was the driving back home and getting low on gas and starting to freak I was going to run out in some dark deserted part of who-knows-where. And then Mobil loomed like a beautiful beacon. Oh, beacons! Part of the lovely Maine seacoast, this amazing lighthouse. So now I really wanna live in a lighthouse. Really. Anyone see any lighthouse caretaker job apps, you send them right to me.

Somewhere in there there was also an interviewing of a fairly amazing college kid for the magazine profile I'm writing (freelancing! yay, freelancing! but oh, guilt freelancing -- my wonderful veterans' project article that is written and not getting pitched, no bueno. how 'bout I correct that this weekend? yes, let's do that. oh, gulp. there's also my precious barely birthed website I haven't gone near. oh. I don't know. time & priorities. brutal.)

Then there was a running of large painful hills, OK, mostly just the one, but it was vast, at the beautiful Blue Hills. My IT band decided one ascent was enough. The others did a second, followed by apparently brutal, steep grassy-slope ascents. But I'll build! More next time! Dammit! But, it was lovely. I also discovered a new pond I will try swimming in. !

Then there was a nice bagel-eating breakfast catchup with a good friend. Unfortunately, I was run-grubby, but was OK til the end when a shower became imperative. Then, shower-kitty-home time (not kitties in the shower, me in the shower). Then, another lovely afternoon catchup chat with another dear friend, spanning grand topics, big & small, then there was finally writing the profile. Yay! It's 60 words too long, and past my bedtime; do I let the magazine editor finish cutting? Hm, maybe.

And there's Monday, ready to poke her cold nose in my warm back. S'OK, not Monday's fault, just her nature. Gonna be a crazy week, several meetings that will immerse me in the copywriting/marketing process, and I'll start getting some direct feedback. Yi. Onward & upward, such is life....

Tin-can tired

2010-08-07T07:55:00.004-04:00

If last week's tired left me feeling surreal and zen, this week's left me feeling like a little empty old can. The former would definitely be a preferable form of tired, should you ever have a choice between the two.

But, some semi-sweaty yoga proved, if not rejuvenating, then at least good for a shift, followed by the eating o' veggie burger on the porch -- wave of heat & humidity broke again! -- and then some winding down to bed.

Side note: I'm finally, finally reading The DaVinci Code (altho I'd long thought perhaps I'd be the world's sole holdout) as my evening "stupid read" while stretching my back and turning my brain off. My main take is that it's just pretty badly, clunkily written. Is this a surprise? No, not really. I know it was never held up as a work of literature, but ... I guess I thought it'd be more compelling. But, getting to sleep in til 6-something and spend some minutes reading a book in bed was pretty close to heavenly this morning.

Now, a little house wrangling, a crazy workout, an interview (freelancing, it does live!), a swapping of week's stories, then a trek to Portsmouth. Apparently, even on weekends I can't give up my hourly drives!

Blues + obviousness

2010-08-05T19:37:00.003-04:00

Well.
It's nearly Friday.
Past my bedtime.
Etta Baker & Cora Philips are singing Broken Hearted Blues (lovely).
The gatos are ready for bed. Well, really, they're ready for me to quit my job and stay home on the couch with them already, but they'd soon be really sad when their foodbowls went empty.

The obvious statement of the week: Fitting blogging in is hard! And I do so love it. Some days, it simply won't fit. If I have days with some downtime (no p.m. workouts), that's when it'll fit. So you know it's a hard week if no blogging words have popped up!

I have work & commute thoughts floating around, but the one vital thing I've gotta get better at before keeling over is getting enough sleep. Soooooo....

The Weekender: Hammock-like with bruises

2010-08-02T21:06:00.002-04:00

Not sure quite how else to explain the juxtaposition.

It was lovely and relaxy and loungey and just oozey good stuff like that. Like a hammock!

And then, there was this nicely intense workout on Sunday, well, following Saturday's -- a workout in the park complete with a tire pull and normal stuff like walking lunges w/ a weightplate overhead and pushups and double-under jumproping and burpees and stuff. But Sunday, Sunday was a free prep for the upcoming Spartan race, so it was a bunch of us broken into three groups based on a run test (I was in the middle, sigh), rotating our way through various activities.

Most of the bruises came from what they simply called, Landing Dock, or just Dock. It consisted of, yep, a landing dock. That you had to get yourself up onto. Ahhhh, now the bruising makes sense, right? The instructor showed us a graceful jump from the ground, landing with both feet on the dock, some, I dunno, 3 or 4 feet up? But I perfected the run-jump-heave-land-on-knees maneuver. Bruises, yep.

I got better. But still needed knee landing. The funnest part was this mini obstacle course that was really pretty easy, so you could tear through it, including a few tunnel crawls (few more shin bruises) and at the end, a very small hurdle that you kinda had to tuck & roll over. After shying away the first time, sorta awkwardly trying the 2nd, I then realized you had to momentum your way into it, so you just bounced on your back and landed back on your feet. So, mini artificial-turf-burn on the back from that.

Yeah, it was really fun. The sun was out, but with the heat wave broken, least it wasn't 90s and humid, but I still felt pretty sun-sapped for the run portions.

So, there's your weekend report -- hammocks and bruises. Fun!

###

Today, the ocean, she was wild. Gorgeous. Wind-whipped blue chop, moored boats rock and rolling, a spray of white as waves crashed against the wall.

Driving in, the sky had these amazing clouds, giving off depth and shadow with pink light seeping around and under.

Good moments. Just trying to live fully and collect them every day.

Tonight, after a quick visit to the nearby park (the kids had all the swings, sigh), while walking home, I overheard a dad with a thick, great Indian accent, shepherding his kids home, saying, "Now, until dinner is done, we can not go visiting any dogs." Greatness.

Time and goodness

2010-07-31T16:30:00.003-04:00

My appreciation of weekend has grown exponentially with my number of days worked.

Really, they're simply lovely. Time to be in bed with kitties. Time to read in bed. In the morning. Time to put the house in order, time to lounge. Time for a slow shower. In my own shower. Time to eat from my refrigerator. Time to not worry how long the morning workout's taking, because the day is mine for living.

These are good moments in time.

Not sure what factor gets the greatest credit, but I'm sure enjoying just enjoying. All very mellow, happy, easy.

And, and, our heat wave finally broke! I think it lasted for a few months, I'm not sure, it just became the new reality. But yesterday morning, waking up to cool air was amazing. Today, all my fans are off, my windows open. Stunning. It's comfortable out. Crazy.

In short, life is good. Appreciation is good. Living in the moment of good, ditto.

Zen via exhuastion?

2010-07-30T20:44:00.002-04:00

Being profoundly exhausted can be an interesting state, I'm finding.

Lately, it's been triggering these very Zen-y states where I can wander around and be in awe and appreciation of the world around, noticing the changing lighting toward evening, all the wonderful brick buildings, all the little quirks that make this place what it is. It's kind of like wandering around in a mellow, dazed, smiley, childlike state. Not such a bad thing.

Of course, I can also feel myself on the brink of a cold ... how many times do we (OK, I) need to learn the basic life lessons? Multiple nights of less than seven hours' sleep.... And yet, what would I have given up from the week? Nothing. There's the challenge.

I have raptures to go into from my early morning at Walden, but those will have to wait a little longer.

A wonderful mellow weekend awaits, with a few intense, fun workouts. There will be reading. There will be gato time. There may be a little shopping. And there you go....

Geez!

2010-07-29T22:21:00.001-04:00

I'm alive, but no time, no time, no time!

Must do some blog-time pondering this weekend!

More words, more soon (tired, like I said)....

Just a blip

2010-07-27T20:50:00.003-04:00

Oh, tired. Surviving. Week 2 going well ... I was so excited to actually find a PDF I needed today (OK, with some help). It's the little things in a new place.

Between this working business, trying to fit in my workouts, making time to kiss the gatos who seem bewildered about what's going on :( ... it's a more than full-time life! Talk about boiling things down to their essences, huh? Hello, new life. Nice to meet you.

Also, unrelatedly, I love a place that has workouts called things like "Fight Gone Bad." Love it. It did go bad fast, but then, you knew it was gonna.

It's all I got in me right now....

The Weekender: Not wanting to be over

2010-07-25T21:02:00.003-04:00

They go fast, don't they, when the other five days are framed by work? I think I remember this.

Work week No. 2 is a little more daunting than week 1 where you can just be blissfully ignorant. Week 2, you start to get a sense of all the trains, buses and pedi-cabs whizzing around you, but you don't know enough to be effective directing traffic, jumping aboard or most anywhere. Ugh. May be a tricky month. But once all the processes and how-to's are under control, then life will settle and it'll be interesting to see what that life looks like.

Played fully and well today, so that was grand. In addition to outdoor playing, there was a little shopping -- have a whole new casual work wardrobe to build, you know.... The jury is still out on the new dress that might look too much like a maternity dress. It is very comfy (hush). At least it's not pink. And it has funky polka dots on it. Polka dots are awesome. So, we'll see. Oh! Speaking of not-pink, I managed to find the cool orange (just a wee Day Glo, but OK) workout top and returned the little-baby-girl bubblegum pink one ... yay! I just don't think I could've worked out in that ... unless it involved something in a mud pit, that would've been OK.

Now, I need my bed. Hoping for a calm, sane week, for me and for you all....

Not just a workout

2010-07-24T12:29:00.003-04:00

Some of what I love about my many workouts is they're not just workouts.

(of course, part of what I absolutely love about them is that they are awesome, kickass workouts)

I'm drawn to the sports and activities I am because there's usually a mental and technique component to go along with the physical, and my brain loves nothing more than to be engaged. (Yes, all the more reason for me to visit a meditation class and all the more reason I'm pretty sure I will simply combust on the spot if I do.) I'm also drawn to things that scare me, a little, within reason -- you won't find me going anywhere near skydiving or bungee jumping, and I'm 100% fine with that. But things that scare me kinda sorta, things I'm not sure I can do or I'm pretty sure I can't ... doing those things yields an unbelievable feeling. Stretching, growing, living life lessons in the act of a movement, ever-pushing limits ... love it.

However.

That's the rosy glowy side. When you're doing things that fall into the bucket above, especially when you're doing the things that test your greatest fears and weaknesses, whatever they may be (rowing in bad-chop basin water, doing box jumps when you can almost see and feel yourself falling and cracking body parts, or just movements you lack strength in, where every one is a struggle and you've got 15 or 30 to do ...) ... I guess when you're really testing or pushing yourself in ways that aren't fun or exciting, they're just hard and scary and sucky and frustrating ... and I don't actually know where I'm going with this sentence. What a letdown, right?

I guess it's that in doing those things, perhaps that's where you can learn or grow the most. When you're humbled, when you feel lame & stupid, when you actually want to quit, when your body starts to weaken before your eyes ... yeah. That's kind of how my morning workout went. Not all of that, exactly, but it was so much harder and more devastating than I expected it to feel. It's possible I cried at one point only I couldn't actually tell because I was so sweaty and red-faced and heaving for breath.

I don't know, I don't have a grand conclusion, even though I'd like to. I think it's just seeing that that's where I can learn the most. I can look around me and see how others handle it. I can listen to my coach who says, "Don't feel bad, don't feel sorry for yourself, just do it." (Ignore the stupid Nike echo there, it was real.) I can think about how what makes or breaks those situations is my attitude and my will and my determination and my belief. I guess that's the grand echoing point.

See, it's not just any workout that can give you all that. You see why I'm hooked?

Cycles completing

2010-07-23T20:16:00.003-04:00

This post isn't even really going to pretend to be held together.

The end of a workweek again, it's no time for holding anything together. Nor for pretending.

I made it through an almost full-time office workweek. I didn't think at all about flinging myself off a bridge. Not to say it was easy, but it was OK. Interesting. Learning, using lots o my brain again. Remembered the unfun of stress, def something to keep under control. Discovered some beautiful coastline and enjoyed every minute of driving by it. Someday, I may even figure out my way around Marblehead.

But, cycles, completing, that's the point (the loose one). First workweek over, that's one cycle.

After my ... second interview? I happened by a cute little cafe, The Atomic Cafe, used their bathroom to make a desperate change out of suit, heels and nylons (on a 90-plus-degree day), got some heavenly iced tea, a tasty sandwich and managed to only eye delicious-looking cookies (cookies!). But I had no cash on me, only a credit card, and the way it went down, I had no chance to leave a tip. I felt bad. So I promised-in-my-head (the serious, solemn promises) that if I got the job, I would come back and leave a tip involving dollar bills. I remembered my promise earlier this week as I was trying to get home and to a workout, and decided keeping the promise within the first week was what counted.

On my way home today, later than planned, realizing that the debate in my head about which workout to make it to was solely theoretical because I wasn't going to make it home for either, I suddenly remembered the cafe promise. And decided now was the time. There was a flicker of nervousness as I wondered what the chances were of finding it again if I couldn't find my way to the same building each day, then I shrugged off the worry; I still had to try. And pretty much drove straight there.

With wise guidance from the staff, I chose the peanut-butter-cup cookie over the M&M cookie and had my second amazing cookie experience of the past few months. You have to suspend disbelief here, just as you had to when I said this the first time a few months ago, but I had that experience of sinking my teeth into delicious, edible, smooth sand. Cookie sand. Wonderful.

And another cycle was complete.

Drove home in lovely rain, tho kinda pour-y at times. It somehow made it very easy to just be in the moment, each moment of the drive home, without resenting or frustration or anything, just living my life as I was driving home. And I had a little lightbulb that that's some kind of an attitude key to really accepting my new office lifestyle and the commute and anything that might come with it -- it's not something that's interfering with my life, it is my life.

And I arrived home. Another cycle complete.

I started out for a walk only to have the rain come pouring down, and since my current raincoat is, well, pretty crappy (I need a shiny yellow slicker! with ventilation!) I turned back. Read some more, grazed some more. Then really needed some outsiding.

Headed out again, lovely rainy dusky light. Headed for the park right near me. I love that park. Love seeing it through all the seasons. The soft green giant willows sweeping down. All the greens, rain-glistening grass, soft green willows, all the varied greens of surrounding trees and bushes. I walked the little loop (no swinging today), and as that cycle was completing, the rain came beating down again.

And so I headed home. Another cycle complete.

And here it is 9. My bed awaits, along with some rejuvenating cycles there.

Sweet cycles, yourselves....

Still here,

2010-07-22T21:46:00.002-04:00

still surviving, but with the working and full-timing and commuting and driving and trafficking and getting losting (seriously, every time in to Marblehead, every time ... by the time I nail it, we'll be moving) and not-enough-sleeping and logisticking and working-out-ing and ... yeah ... sesame crepe eating (amazing, get yourself to Trader Joe's & buy some!) ... well, guess I'm a little busy.

May need to do some shift of blog scheduling, maybe day or two off is during the week, not weekend now. We shall see.

Tomorrow, week 1 in the office ends. Today, the stress started, lots coming at me quickly. It'll be OK, just might be a hectic, brain- & speed-taxing month....

Day 2: Less head pain

2010-07-20T20:09:00.002-04:00

at day's end! Not that I think I've even remotely turned the corner on brain stuffage, oh no. The iceberg hasn't even been fully seen yet. But I'll take less head pain.

Worst part of the commute seems to be on either end, esp my end. The drive up is pretty zippy and nice -- I come along the coast for the last part, and it always makes me happy to see the ocean. One day soon after work, I'm gonna stop and go wading, work clothes and all.

No, the traffic is definitely worst on my end, esp coming home. And for whatever reason, I can't seem to make it straight through Marblehead to my new workplace. No. I must always get lost and turned around first. Probably about the time I get it, we'll be moving -- hello new building in Danvers come fall.

So, all highly new yet, but so far so good....

The Weekender meets the work week

2010-07-19T19:10:00.002-04:00

Weekend: Much awesomeness. Including: my first-ever marshmallow fight (stupendous! you must partake if you ever are walking by when one breaks out -- better yet, start your own!), a mini water balloon attack (I had pangs of remorse for attacking an unarmed man, but I was alone in that ... and it turns out, he wasn't unarmed, he had a water bottle!), canoeing and first-ever trying "SUP" (or, as the precise staff dude informed me: "Stand-Up Paddleboard. It's an acronym." Fun stuff! You do feel like a gondolier ... and it's fun sitting down, too. And, there were two park picnics in one weekend!

Today, first day o work. Pretty exhausting, as I was expecting, but good. They seem like v nice people. And my new boss seems like a total sweetheart! Feels like a place where I can make a contribution ... that will even be appreciated ... wow. Too shocking to really wrap my head around.

Lastly, there's an exciting weather update! Check this out (and ignore the flagrant lack of hyphenation):

AT 836 PM EDT... NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR CONTINUED TO INDICATE A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM CAPABLE OF PRODUCING GOLF BALL SIZE HAIL... AND DAMAGING WINDS IN EXCESS OF 60 MPH. THIS STORM WAS LOCATED NEAR HUDSON... OR 9 MILES NORTHWEST OF FRAMINGHAM... MOVING SOUTHEAST AT 25 MPH.

Thoughts of the morning

2010-07-18T20:12:00.000-04:00

OK, this was Friday's early morning thoughts, but I somehow forgot to post, and then the weekend happened. And kept happening. And now it's Sunday night.

Ah, Sunday night. The old full-time-worker's nemesis. Here's sincerely hoping it's different this time around.

Monday morning, 9 a.m., new job begins. And the universe tilts again. A new adventure, a new world, a new reality. Don't worry, you'll get the full scoop.

Now, back to those Friday morn thoughts....

Early morning.
All is quiet. Except for that one bird who really has something pressing to say. Repeatedly.
Buddha Bar station is playing something piano, quiet, mellow.

Hard to believe I'm starting work Monday. Back in an office, huh. I'm anticipating being fairly exhausted the first few weeks until I adjust back -- just being around people for the majority of the time when you haven't is exhausting. At least for me. Thus proving my belief that I am an I and not an E as Meyers-Briggs indicated. To be fair, it was a very close call, and what tipped me over was I was off the charts on expressive. But then you all already know that, don't you?

Anyway. Anyway. I'm already missing the gato couch time, nothing like working with two adorable furry beings on either side of you. Maybe they'll become better friends if they mainly have each other to hang out with. Maybe. Sucio has a new scratch on his head, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't from the couch. Of course, I've also seen him back the WillaMonster into a corner, playfully or not, I'm not sure, but it makes me feel better to know he's not 100% quaking marshmallow victim. But I do already miss them. I feel that way about them, my home and Boston when I have to leave for a trip. Guess it's a sign I'm in a pretty good place for me.

Going to have to do some serious schedule mulling these next few days -- have to set up my little routines to keep myself in food supply during the day (no small feat) plus fit all my activities in -- that one will def be trickier. But, it's good. It's time.

Exposure

2010-07-15T22:03:00.003-04:00

Made it to an exhibit at the ICA I've been wanting to see: Dr. Lakra.

He's a Mexican tattoo artist who paints/draws tattoos from all kinds of international and urban cultures on starlets in old pinup posters, among others.

Kind of hard to explain but pretty wild, pretty darn cool. Like a glimpse into another world, a fascinating new mind. Which is kind of art at its best, right?

Whiplash, of the exciting variety

2010-07-14T16:42:00.002-04:00

This week is making my head spin!

No, there isn't yet a solution to the pink workout top (dangit), but I haven't given up hope for other colors yet!

The big news ... is ... that ... I ...

[am trying to drive you crazy!]

[no, no, that would be mean, haha]

got ...

a joboffer!

I did! It's crazy. Crazy how where you think you're going isn't where you wind up; how directions can shift, yet the basic path remains intact; how life sometimes takes you by surprise....

I surely wasn't looking for anything full-time, and I'm not giving up on the freelancing dream (in fact, I just got a new client, with another meeting next week, funny how that works), but what I feel like I'm doing is buying myself some time and space so the dream doesn't get ground up in the dirt ... under a bridge ... that I'd be living under if more-bigger income didn't start quite soon.

The salary is ... less than expected, and I'd adjusted those expectations down already. But, as several people have lovingly pointed out ... it's a lot more than I'm getting now, and it's a different economy and ... it's a job. In the realm I want, communications, in the industry I want, healthcare, giving me new experience, new learning, new people. So, good stuff.

But also a change and you know, those change demons.... I'm already starting to prep the gatos that they're gonna be each other's prime hangout buddies during the day now ... which makes me sad. I mean, they mostly sleep during the day, but I won't be here to SEE their adorable sleeping (it really is adorable). And ... I'll be out of the home, in a building, for set hours, doing set work. Yep, it's a job. It's a change. That I'm ready for, yet still a change.

It's been 8 1/2 months of a really good existence that I'm sorry in many ways to see end, but I trust it's an ever better existence coming my way in the immediate and long-term future.

And, the gatos will be grateful for continued food in their bowls.

So, it's barely seeping in, but the anxiety of the early part of the week helped me see a lot I like/am looking forward to about the job. And the reality of it will hit just in time for reality to be real. Funny how that works....

What's that saying about mortals being crunchy & tasty with ketchup...?

2010-07-13T10:00:00.003-04:00

Was it this toasty and humid last summer? Was it? Really? Maybe it's the lack of SNOW this winter past that just makes it all the hotter. I dunno.

OK, I up & had a brainflash and realized last summer didn't feel so hot because I was working in air conditioning ... ohhhhh....

Also, I'm a little afraid to say this out loud, except I can't see how rationally that would matter and it's not a rational thing to say anyway but ... I'm starting to have a fear I'm cursed. Or that the gods are mocking me. Either would be bad.

The shards of proof:

the perfect workout top I found a few months ago in all colors of the rainbow and when I went back for one more? the only color in my size? the v shade of pink I most despise! also, there was a cool orange one in a size above and below mine. see? mocking!
my website ... that feels more like a curse. it really doesn't seem so hard. just make the partial Spanish go away. but apparently that was hard. so then the programmer, in an effort to help, picked out and installed a new template for me! um, yay? but ... that's ... not ... the one ... I picked...?
then there is the meeting of intriguing new people, only to have them vanish like so many wisps of smoke. and the non-intriguing people? well, they apparently can't get enough of me. see? mocking!
then, most seriously, there's the job prospect that I'm getting increasingly nervous about. no, I can't really blame that on the gods. but, let's look at the progression, there's at least a hint of mockery in there: last thing I wanted was something full-time, then I stumbled across it with its seductive telecommute come-on, I apply, oops, that one's not available but how 'bout this one?? um, well, what's...? 2-day telecommute, well, guess that could ... Interview No. 1, good. Interview No. 2, good. writing test ... total unknown. no reference check over the past week and I'm supposed to hear this week? uh-oh....

The Weekender: Hampshiring

2010-07-12T11:19:00.002-04:00

The weekend was all New Hampshire!

Saturday brought rain, progressing to downpour at points, which was so lovely. Perfect excuse to stay in and read (trashy reads a must -- I started The Da Vinci Code [yep, never managed to read], while, quite appropriately, my friend never did manage to work her way into her chaos theory book ... she'll protest how much she likes it & all, and it's true, and yet....), start a puzzle that had us all obSESSed (am trying to find a picture to share -- international manhole covers, so cool!), drink some tea/coffee, and then a little more ... it was really nice.

One of the highlights was the trip's instigator brought his 80-something Italian mother, and she was a kick. Told us stories about bygone times and people and was able to name any (current) movie star with the vaguest of descriptions -- highly satisfying for those forgotten names just on the tip of your tongue. And she made us dinner every night, adorable.

Pepper enjoyed the water of New Hampshire, but she only got a small taste. The Marine Patrol stopped me and nicely informed me I needed a life jacket in my boat. Oops.

Today brings that re-entry, feeling all the stranger and more ... displaced? for not quite knowing how my world may shift this week. I may get a job offer, which I'm quite inclined to accept, or I may not. Even though it's yet an unknown, not something to be counted on, I'm feeling the shift in my outlook about what I'll be doing next, and it makes me feel uncertain about what to do for the now. Keep plugging on freelancing? Well, yes, that's smart ... just not easy to do at the moment. (Website update: experiencing technical issues, not my doing or solving, thus waiting....) Apply to part-time stuff still? I dunno.... Start looking/applying for full-time ... uh...? My back-up plan if this job doesn't happen is to reach out to agencies more seriously, not just for part-time possibilities. Oh, all confusing. Makes my brain swirly. Mostly, want to know if I'll have a job offer....

It's the recording volunteering tonight ... let's have a group prayer, y'all -- please, please pleasepleaseplease please NOT the fire code of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Please? Bible reading was better than that!

Hamsters & itchy feet

2010-07-09T05:36:00.002-04:00

I did it again with the letting-in-of-humidity! Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing and expecting different results?? Altho, that doesn't strike me as a very accurate, clinical definition. I bet my (psychologist) dad would have something to say about that! :)

Today it's off to "New Hampster," as my friend says. Should be a relaxing few days in a cabin with friends, doing some rowing around the lake, hopefully some swimming, too (the humidity, she's plunked her butt firmly down in the rocking chair & is getting all cozy & content, not goin' no-where ... not that I at all object, summer humidity is part of the Boston charm -- and I say that with zero sarcasm -- just part of the differentness from where I grew up).

Ooh, bottom of my foot is itchy -- money coming my way! Not to inadvertently return to the subject in the first paragraph and look like a crazy person again....

All right, time to gather, finish packing, make my home presentable & get out the door.

Happy, happy weekending, y'all!

Blame the blanket

2010-07-08T15:46:00.003-04:00

I accidentally let the humidity in this morning. Oops. It felt like cooler air out there, and it was for a bit, but I forgot about the blanket that is humidity. Fans all going, still survivable. May be another a/c night.

So, it's a funny thing, that whole feast or famine thing, isn't it? May and June, pretty quiet on work fronts, yep. Now, I'm waiting to hear on outcome of second interview (it'll hinge on what they thought of my writing test and I just don't have a read on that), and suddenly two freelance maybes pop up. Ha.

To continue with those updates, website is not forgotten, waiting to see outcome of little technical glitch ... part of the site is currently in Spanish ... I know, funny, right? And the fix isn't quite as easy as it should be. Once that's done, I can finish with the linking and perfecting (for now) and ... um ... unleash it on the world? Right, right. Unleash, baby! Perhaps updated business cards will be the first step....

This was a far less than thrilling post, I must say ... blame the blanket. The gatos do. When I have a few more momentitos, I hafta tell you about my first attempts (there were 34ish successes, with help, a few more than that for total attempts) at a kick up to a handstand against the wall (to evolve to be a handstand pushup) ... scary! exciting! sorta fun! sore now!

That which shall not be named

2010-07-07T14:25:00.003-04:00

First, I thought about molasses. It was just so darn Southern. Moving slowly through the thickened air, the light somehow shifted as well, more diffuse.

Then the thought: Well, molasses is a little extreme. I mean, picture molasses. This isn't quite that.
Maybe syrup?

Whatever.
Southern.
Thick.
Textured.
Personalitied, like you don't necessarily expect air to be.

Yesterday, stepping outside at 6-something (that's a.m.), into a wall of it.
gasp
Already?
Already.
Rowers, drenched from river exertions. Uni's dripping onto the locker room floor. Not from washing.
And it built from there.
One degree from a record tie, nailed 3 full digits.

Today, people outside Trader Joe's, blinking, almost stupid in the face of it.
Me among them.
Slightly stunned in their shorts and loose dresses, short haircuts.

Boston, summer.

The main ... the two main ... OK, a few tiny updates

2010-07-06T20:08:00.003-04:00

The brain, it is spinny; the eyelids, they would like to be closed.

The big highlight is, well, the two big highlights are:

1) We did not get eaten by bears while camping (there is some photo evidence of this, but given the screeching terribleness of the photo of me, no one shall be seeing that, outside of the campers, who have been exhorted to burn said photo [can you burn digital photos?] but there is probably another suitable one I can find. Of us not being eaten by bears.)

2) Interview numero dos today. Feel it went well, but the question mark is the writing test that I'm dying of curiosity to hear what they think about. May not know that til next week.

There was also firework awesomeness sandwiched in there, but I'm mostly asleep right now.

The fresh-breaking news update is that I just managed to install and turn on my portable a/c unit! ! ! Some of you know how huge this feat is for me.... Yes, we're in the midst of quite the swelter.

My blogging brain ...

2010-07-02T06:27:00.003-04:00

is apparently ready for a mini vacation! Good thing it's getting it; it's a camping weekend!

And the fireworks! I used to forget how cool fireworks are, but now I don't. Now I know.

I'll of course give you exciting updates at weekend's end if we get nearly eaten by bears or something.

And to be clear, I'm hoping that's not the update.

My brain and really, all of my self, is churning around with the job possibility. Second interview next week. I hafta say, there's a lot that's appealing, that's relieving, about the possibility of it. Well, and more than the possibility, the actuality of it (if it comes to be an actuality). There was an initial sad-burst, but that hasn't come back. It's just that, in so many ways, I'm ready. For something. This isn't what I had envisioned, but I'm definitely seeing possibilities....

And for a step back in time to what yesterday's post might've been, the yesterday-floating-thought had something to do with -- what do you do/what does it mean when things don't fall apart.

The tangible piece of this was rowing. Bad water in the basin. Yeah, again, shocker, right? And drills. And with the drills, I've noticed before that generally (not always), I either don't fall apart or fall apart less in bad water when we're doing drills. This isn't true for most, but I think it's because it generally (depending on the drill) tends to lessen the thing that freaks me most about basin water (the oar grab). It's an interesting thing.

So, we're doing drills, I do OK. Then. Then. Then. The devil on Coach Jeff's shoulder apparently takes over his brain and decides it is a good idea to have us attempt square-blade rowing. In the basin. In chop. OK, so it wasn't in the worst part of the basin, but still. The angel on his other shoulder relented and said if it needed to be 1/4 square, then OK.

I was not at all sure this was possible. But I began. And ... it was sorta OK. I wasn't even bringing up the rear, or even second-to-rear, which is rare in bad basin water. Of course, there is a slight possibility I was only 1/4 squaring in my head, but I am pretty certain the blade came out square, and that was the point. Of the drill. For me, there's probbably no drill I need more than square blade rowing. ayyyyyyyyy.

Anyway, to complete the thought ... the not falling apart in conditions that often result in that. Hm. Not something I'll assume is now the norm or that I've figured out/fixed something (premature assumption) ... but it is nice for a change.

The life parallel ... that part's still eluding me. Maybe the bears will tell me.

Happy, happy, happy fireworking, y'all!
Here's to Independence ... for real.

With the adventures

2010-06-30T09:41:00.002-04:00

No, beautitious blog not forgotten yesterday, but yowza, the last day and a half got interesting!

It began with Monday's crazy noon workout in the swelter. It was warmer out than I'd realized when poking myself out the door. But, with crazyrace in Aug (remember the slogan: You May Die ... how I love that), figure I needed a little heat training....

Anyway, I didn't die. Case you were wondering. What I DID do, however, was park right in front of a sign that said something quaint like "street cleaning 2nd & 4th Mon, 12 p.m. -[something]." It also said something about towing. None of this did I notice. To my and GreyC's eventual dismay. Yep.

So, along with the swelter, tomato face (OK all skin tomato, I think), still-pouring sweat & chalk coating (for pullups, my hands, they sweat. a lot. & I was clearly the loser in the chalk battle.) ... I needed to deal with finding & recovering my car. And a job phone call an hour and a half later.

Bottom line, it all happened, but not without some ferrying around and major emotional support. You know the (trite? is it trite now?) Beatles' line about getting by with a little help from my friends? Never has this been so true. In the midst of the hot headache the day turned out to be, I was repeatedly overcome with gratitude for friends who were my support posts every step of the way. It would've been 1,000 times worse without them, especially without you, my coconut-milk-ice-cream-on-porch dear friend, in particular.

There were more details about not having the debit card I was sure I'd left in my car to pay for it all (see friend gratitude, above), the bad scraping noise in the middle of Mass Ave bridge, me stopping then rethinking leaping out to check on the bridge, so inching across the bridge. Then the awesome Shell Station mechanic on Magazine who concocted a quick fix and a more stable fix the next morning ... ahhhh.

It was a day, y'all.

There was also a job interview set up for the next day (now yesterday, c'mon, keep up!).

Interview was in the lovely Marblehead, and my head's spinning from that, so that's to get its own entry, perhaps tomorrow. Interview was followed by a lovely time in nearby lovely Salem (it's a contest, how many times can I fit "lovely" in one lovely paragraph??) with a lovely new friend. Five. Do I win? Oops, I meant six.

The Weekender: Squashed by the heat bug

2010-06-28T22:07:00.001-04:00

Sad, but looking likely to be true. There's already a heat-something warning on the day -- that ball of light in the sky + humidity pushing us to 100s today.

House's long closed up, fans going, gatos passed out on bed. I see an air-conditioned library in my immediate future. But first, I think my crazy self is resolved to go through with a noon workout. Huh. I have no words, no explanation. I dunno. Heat insanity?

So, even tho heat has overtaken The Weekender, there isn't actually any giant actionpacked earthaltering update you're missing. Shocking, I know. Usually my weekends alter the orbit of the earth and the universe's plans. Did get to see my favorite Chicagoans on a last pass-thru the city before they headed out this morn, so that was lovely. Sucio tried to be brave for them ... and somewhat succeeded. He's also gained another nickname: Stay Puff. Puffy? Suce-Puff? Yielding a full formal name of Comandante Sucio "Puffy" Montoya? He's gonna be a rap-star kitty, just watch.

Just poked myself outside, and it's not actually as terrible a swelter as I thought. There is a bit of a breeze. So now I have high hopes of not dying in the noon workout.

All right, there's The Weekender, over & out.

Sights of the Charles: Feeding swans, sunning turtles & joyriding bugs

2010-06-27T07:35:00.002-04:00

OK, so "joyriding" is a tiny bit of a stretch since, technically, the bug wasn't rowing my boat, simply going for a ride atop it, but doesn't joyriding sound better? I'm pretty sure the bug had joy in his tiny soul. Pretty sure.

But yes, all that I viewed on my row yesterday. I was feeling fairly beat from the week, so no coached session/race pieces for me, just some paddling upstream, flat water, ahhhhhhhhhhh.

The feeding swan really freaked me at first. Rowing along, glancing behind me, I saw a bundle of floating white that I thought was maybe a discarded pillow (it was a fleeting thought!), then figured it was a white plastic trash bag. As I got closer, I realized it was a swan's body, but to my horror, only its body. I stopped rowing, beginning to freak about someone strangling or beheading a swan (although there was no gore or mangling), then was just sad about a dead swan's floating body. Then it raised it head from somewhere deep below the water and looked at me. Waves of relief. So that's how they hunt/feed.

The sunning turtle, cute little guy on a rock, right before the ... um ... brain still waking up ... Arsenal! The Arsenal bridge.

Willa sends y'all a meow. Sucio would but ... it's Scary.

The bug, I noticed atop Pepper maybe 3/4 of the way to my turnaround point, not sure if he was there from the launching. And he was there at least a lot of the way back. Forgot to look for him back at the dock.

Speaking of dock. There was an 8 launching when I got back, and I walked alongside it to get to my boat bay, and I marveled at how long it was ... these are big boats! Nine people sitting with room for stretched-out legs. Funny how unaccustomed I'm getting to big boats. Do miss them. Just not a big boat time in my life, I guess.

Anyway, other wildlife, there were also flocks? herds? somethings of floating ducks. Didn't see the cool ... crane? heron? OK, I am NOT a wildlife exert, but he's a cool blue-grey bird with long legs. Didn't see him.

Love that river.

Finesse (what a great word, too bad it was overtaken by a shampoo)

2010-06-25T12:28:00.003-04:00

Ohmygosh!

It happened again! By day's end, as my brain was full & turning to much, I forgot my beautiful little blog! So sad. But you must admit, it happens rarely, right?

OK. So the really exciting thing about yesterday? (Wow, every word had a typo after I typed that sentence ... you know I was excited.)

I became Queen of the Wall Sit! Yes! The prize that eluded me last week. Very exciting. And, it followed my crowning as Queen of the Front-Raise Hold (it's not quite as catchy a title).

It went down at the end of former-Marine-(with the missing toes, remember that story?)-led Newton boxing class (not to be confused with the Original Allston class or the North Station Mixed-Martial-Arts-studio-inside-gym classes, both led by the original, the awesome, technique-king, punk-rock instructor).

Got all that? What was I saying?

Oh, how it went down. So, yeah. We now do King/Queen of [blank] challenge at the end of each class. After winning the front raise title, I was still stomping around and pouting about losing the wall sit one last week, demanding a rematch, and my key competitor heard and fell prey to my smack talk, so we had a wall-sit-off (as the instructor and most others in the class left, shaking their heads), and I won!

That was totally the day's highlight.

I was also frustrated by continuing phone/e-tag with the maybe-position HR person, now put off to Monday. grrr. argh.

And got a maybe glimmer from a maybe small-scale client with a website project, yay!

And there was the lovely & wonderful acupuncture. Apparently, my pattern is a chi deficiency. (Of course, maybe I just burn through it as soon as I generate it! :) Given my growing, um, income focus, my usual points were all much touchier/stronger than usual. Pretty fascinating stuff.

This morning, I took a step closer to learning/doing handstand pushups. Whoo-hoo!

Oh yeah, and the website.... Well. Not gonna say lots about this yet, but ... there is yes with the progressing somewhat. As in, there are pages and there are words on the pages. Not finished words! Not quite right words! But words. Who knew such a thing would make me want to throw up. Steps, steps. The words will be more finessed next week....

OK, I gots an ever-growing to-do list that needs gittin' to. And a certain someone who'll be askin' about it at day's end (blows a kiss)....

The action

2010-06-23T17:20:00.004-04:00

Today!

Early Walden, amazing as ever. Body remembering how to swim.

More with the job searching and sifting, as ever.

And, a job callback! ! This is good. The full-time one (that's f-t to you, Miss Sam) but with early schedule/telecommuting. Altho they mentioned a different job in the message. Hmmmmmmmmm. We shall see, hopefully shortly.

Also: running (then shuffling, then striding, then ... moving forward however possible) 400m x 3 carrying a 35-lb weightplate. This was unique. Quite hard. Cars were actually stopping to watch us. Pushups were interspersed. Yeah!

Next up, hopefully a job phone call, then skeedaddling out to this thing. You know, one of those things that's maybe sorta networking but with a point/purpose, entrepreneur stuff, some interesting speakers. If I can stay awake....

Maybe thunderstorms tomorrow morn ... please, no electrocution on the water!

And that's today.

It's short, enjoy the respite

2010-06-22T15:38:00.004-04:00

First things first. The crazy breakfast photo promised from this weekend (y'all've gotta remind me of such things, I forgets!)....

###

OK, you know what? A crazy leftover-from-weekend breakfast photo will have to be enough for today. Lots of little things cooking away, or trying to, and we all know I'm not much of a chef, so ... I seem to be full up. Plus, I'll be driving for Walden in 8 hours, yowza!

The Weekender: Surgeons & Chicagoans & storms, o my!

2010-06-21T09:52:00.000-04:00

A weekend of busy and fun, now, the returning to the norm....

Those crazy surgeons
Friday offered a little change of pace, always a nice thing. Headed down to the lovely & lush Connecticut (it still surprises me how much green stuff you see from freeways here).

Why? For the annual "fancy-schmancy" surgical resident graduation dinner. Not its official name, but you get the point. I didn't quiz SurgeonSam (Pepper's mom) quite enough about the dress code, so I looked a little more like the wives of the higher-up surgeons -- a little more long and black and funeral -- than most of the women in colorful cocktail dresses, but it mattered precisely not at all.

The event featured a lovely locale, right along the water. No, I don't know which water. There were cocktails in the pretty steamy sun. Then there was dinner and speeches, some quite entertaining, some unheard because of the far more pressing tales of children's antfarms from the not-sober surgeon seated next to me. But I did get credit from her for knowing the things in the salad were hearts of palm. And we read a brief but fascinating hearts-of-palm history on her iPhone. Did you know Costa Rica is the biggest ... hm, think it was producer of them? Anyway, then it was on with the music and the dance floor. I had to take a detour to the lovely, quiet outdoors for a bit first, check out the adjacent water, get a mosquito bite, then joined in. Surgeons, some of them can truly get down, who knew?

The visiting! With the eating!
Then it was back-homing to see the lovely visiting Chicagoans. Oh wait, there was a ridiculous breakfast first. I even have a picture, let's see if I can get it on here....

Anyway, so much talking and laughing and catching up and raspberry eating and crepe eating and Christina's ice cream eating (Tazo chocolate! sundae!) and good all around.

Regattas & rain
Sunday brought my club's annual regatta, Cromwell Cup (twitter feed), so very early volunteering with setup for me, then I managed a dash to Walden for first swim of the season (divine, tho water still a little chilly), some yoga, followed by blessed downtime, then back to the boathouse for foodstand help, ice procuring and a short but impressive thunder- and lightning-infused downpour. Our regatta director called it with beautiful timing, got everyone off the water and indoors, and the sky opened. Watched the sheeting downpour from the upstairs porch, while one by one, others scooted inside. Then the skies cleared, racing continued, and I was done. It was off for more chatting, wandering and delicious eating with the Chicagoans, then happy collapsing into bed.

Today, back to the real world, ahhhhhhh.... You can decide all the undertones there.

The day? Trudging on

2010-06-17T16:59:00.004-04:00

The day, it has fleeted.

So, sigh. I applied for a full-time position today. I know, I know! I know. It bums me out, but -- but. After the first 3 months, it's telecommute. And, for the first 3 months, it's a 6:30-3 schedule. Which I kinda dig, except, except ... it's gonna fuck up coached rowing :(((((( and noon boxing :(((((((((. Which would be a huge bummer.

And for anyone mayhap rolling your eyes right now -- just substitute those words for "quality of life" or "sanity." But, in a variant on the erg-test saying "you can do anything for 2 minutes" ... I can do anything for 3 months, right?

And, and, I'll stop acting like the offer's at my feet and oh dear, what will I do ... until the offer appears at my feet.

Anyway. Now is the time of the continued much focus toward income, which is quite appropriate. No under-bridge-living looming yet; I'll let you know if an address change is coming.

It's also just time for some things to happen; I'm antsy.

And the website ... is making me want to take up shooting as a hobby. But I'm striving to get something up tomorrow, as planned. The words are mostly ready but who knew "easy! it's so easy! wordpress is easy!" templates would be 1) so hard to find a decent one (there are, BTW, something like 12,000 of them ... or was it 1,200? doesn't matter) and 2) so not-quite easy.

So, you can tell I'm not super cheery & sunshiny here (much like our weather, which is just FINE by me), but I maintain that's OK, too. So it goes sometimes.

Sometimes, it's a slog. Sometimes you're trudging. Me, I'm trudging right now. I'm OK with that.

And ... say it with me: BEAT LA!

p.s. In boxing class tonight? We had a King/Queen of Wall Sit contest ... and I LOST! Damnit. Hate losing. Hate being mortal, really....

Not so much from me, but someone else's interesting!

2010-06-16T16:42:00.003-04:00

I had this thought about what to write about. I did. And then I forgot.

It would've been something profound and life-altering, right?

It rained again today.

Pretty sure that wasn't it, yet it is a factual statement. Luckily, I've wised up to Boston's June ways, so I now carry an umbrella when I make my library and cafe tours.

OK, I got nothin' here. But, in place of these doldrums, my editor friend just told me about her new blog, focused on the pains of commuting and workplace culture after working from home for so long, so check it!

The good

2010-06-15T20:38:00.003-04:00

After a weird, somewhat bad night's sleep, today brought good.

Some kind of a vague, bad (terrifying) dream of something that went from pleasant or pleasurable to hunting, grasping had me gasping awake at 12:30 a.m., opening blinds for a little more (street)light and wishing it were morning.

But the morning row ... was actually good. It's been awhile! Hard workout, didn't hit the uppermost rating (a 30), but saw flickers and mostly ... just felt like I could actually row!

More resumes today and reaching out to folks who know folks at application spots. So, good. I'll take (happily) the moments where I feel calm and like it's all just gonna work out.

And a nice afternoon, a great new cafe find, some unexpected free cookies, warm late sun ... and hopefully a Celtics win tonight! Fun to wake up and dash for the paper to see morning's headline....

The Weekender: There was ...

2010-06-14T14:10:00.002-04:00

There was grey.
There was rain.
There was humidity.
There was a brief boathouse porch BBQ.
There was kind of a lot of eating, including nutella-stuffed french toast (not at the BBQ, moving on, people, moving on).
There was a visit from the favorite surgeon-in-the making (Pepper's mommy!) who did some hand-destroying rowing.
There was a damp Pride parade with some half-or-more naked people. And some perfectly ordinary people.
There was eating of the delicious unfinishable Cheescake-place salad.
There was highly random painting of one hand's nails while killing time in Sephora awaiting table for said salad (alas, camera is in car, perhaps a picture tomorrow).
There was a politician's breakfast in Revere (wow), which entailed some fried potato and mini-muffin eating on my part.
There was continued resume working.
There was a trying of a new Harv Square restaurant, tasty beer, tasty sliver of a pizza.
Lastly, there was a plugging-onward Monday in which I almost forgot to finish The Weekender!

A tea day

2010-06-10T12:12:00.005-04:00

Just so we're all clear & on the same page here, it's ... well, fall, perhaps? Grey and drizzly and damp, 50s. A tea day.

Miraculously -- OK, with the help of a promise to pick up a friend who's temporarily carless -- I made it to rowing this morning. Not precisely prime motivation when the alarm rings through your exhausted surety it's the middle of the night, and you hear rain dripping down, feel the chill from the open window, and your body confirms it really needs more sleep. Yet, dredge up I did, and had a great row (we went upstream ... the basin & I are still in therapy, working thru our "issues" ... but let the record show I'm doing way more of the work because it's, you know, a basin). Aftermath was wet & chill. A tea day.

Now I've got a cozy gato next to me, fuzzy socks and a fleece sweathshirt, but I seem to have a small episode of the voices freaking out in my head. So that may mean it's time to leave the house, head down, get some work done -- there's a sudden university theme to the interesting part-time communications positions I'm applying to. Still a tea day.

Given that it's a tea day and all, and the nonfun voices in my head were chattering (oh, what? like you don't have those voices, too), I headed for a more full-immersion tea experience ... no, not a tea bath, altho that does sound lovely. No, the nearby Starbucks.

And while, yeah, teadrinking, and working on resume submittal, I realized something interesting. Naturally, I don't know quite what-all this is yet, but it's around some glimmer of understanding about the legions of folks mostly tapping away, some reading, most on their own (two groupings) who come here to work or study -- to do something productive, yet in a cafe environment. I like cafes, so I've always sorta gotten it, but from the now of being a solo-from-homer, suddenly it clicks there's something really nice about being in a place where you're going to work, there isn't really anything else to do, but you're around people -- you're in an odd bit of a community of sorts -- something many of us are wanting/lacking.

It's not sterile or too quiet, but there aren't really any other serious distractions -- lots of minor ones in the people watching, but you can only do so much of that. It's not the place for quiet, uninterrupted work of course, but a little music, humanity, hubbub can do wonders for the solo spirit.

It's a tea day.

The library world

2010-06-09T14:00:00.005-04:00

I've made a good discovery here ... the library down the street.

Well, let's be clear, I've "discovered" this library before/already. But this is the first time I've headed here to work.

It's been long enough now in this new wonderful lifestyle of work-from-home, plus with nice weather, I start to get antsy to get out of my space for at least a little chunk of each day, and while I love cafes, there's the creeping guilt if you sit too long, there's the buying something as the fair price of taking up space ... thus, the finally-heading-out to explore my local libraries as alternate workspaces.

So far, so good. Except, the table is a little high for ergonomic correctness. We'll see what I can devise. Perhaps bring a pillow with me? Hm, perhaps not. Also, I think you aren't allowed/supposed to drink water inside the library. Suddenly, I'm overpoweringly thirsty. Blame the damn salty kale crisps at lunch.

The lights are a little fluorescent-y, but they're high up and are in little UFO light fixtures, so that's something. The molding around the ceiling is insane, amazing. And I'm in the room with big windows, lots of natural light. And a view of the courthouse across the street and the big main thoroughfare. Anything with sirens goes by, I'm all over it....

Oh, there's also the historical old dead white guy nicely peering at me across the bookshelves from his gold gilt frame. Let's call him John. I mean, odds are, right?

Now, if I just weren't so thirsty....

What really matters in a day?

2010-06-08T21:31:00.003-04:00

There was a wounded blue jay in my driveway/backyard today.

It greatly distressed & worried me. Generally, I tend to/like to think I'm not all *that* soft-hearted, but something about hurt & suffering, esp an animal, ack. But I simultaneously get the anxiety/frustration & annoyance surge of not wanting my day, my time disturbed ... and what the hell can I do anyway.

The little guy could fly some, but not far or high. I only saw him because his buddy jay was screeching up a storm, and I got cold (my house is a fine icebox) and got up to get a sweater and was walking back to the couch (my current work station, haven't been able to work in oficina for a week or more ... hmm), when I thought, what the hell, let's check out the racket, and glanced out the bedroom window.

I saw the orange neighbor cat lying on the driveway on his stomach and nearby was the blue jay, standing there. I instantly knew something was wrong w the scenario and ran outside. I scared the orange cat away, but the blue jay just stood there for a while.

I stood there watching him, not knowing what to do, but figuring I could at least keep the neighbor cat from hunting and eating him. After several minutes, it's like he woke up, tho his eyes had been open and his head turning a little, but he suddenly started cheeping and hopping around. Seemed like he was looking for/talking to his buddy, who was still screaming from the tree.

He hopped a little and kept trying to fly up onto the metal guardrail thing in the parking lot, but couldn't make it. It was really sad. Finally he did. And sat there for maybe an hour. Seemed like a better place than the ground, tho still within cat's reach.

I kept peering out to check on him, while trying to steadfastly work on my website. Then I saw he was back on the ground, hopping, flying a little, but getting nowhere good. Then he went hopping toward my garage spot and wound up under my car. Great.

That's the last I saw of him, but he didn't stay there. I really, really hope he made it somewhere safe, and that he makes it.

His little life and death struggle seems a lot more dramatic and important than any of my minor struggles today.

###

Oh, and while in Starbucks, I discovered a friendly local musician, check him out: Ryan LaPerle. Nice sound.

The gatos

2010-06-07T17:45:00.000-04:00

If I'm periodically reporting on Sucio's It's Scary! list, then I am also dutybound to report on his great bravenesses. This weekend, he firmly and bravely held his ground on the corner of the couch for TWO different visitors! And there was great rejoicing throughout the land. True, they're visitors who're here a lot, but still. Great bravery. There was even some cautious petting. Willa, of course, played the queen as she always does for the people who come to pay homage to her. Woe to those who might be in the vicinity without putting any hands upon her. Woe.

Anyway, this is the gatos being adorable. Doing very good impersonations of being friends. But not to worry, Sucio shows a scratch above his eye today. sigh

The Weekender: Old friends & new deadlines

2010-06-06T17:24:00.002-04:00

Let's see ... the weekend brought grand exciting weather, thunderstorms with steamy, sunny heat in between. Feels like summer!

Also brought some gatherings of friends and families for graduations and weddings (ceremony stuff, it abounds).

Also, with the kind, kind assistance of a dearly beloved, I have a website completion plan. Under which I shall try hard not to kick him. Because, in the end, anything would be his fault, right? Right. So, two Fridays, it should be live. That was either a groan or a retch you just heard. You decide. So yeah, feel free to ask ... I think....

And, crossed the first 100-mile mark with Pepper last week. Yay! 400 to go before the freeze....

And now, the yes-I-will/no-I-won't debate for coconut chocolate peanut butter ice cream just swung toward the go! go now! side....

Rain + rituals

2010-06-05T21:12:00.001-04:00

Yeah, I told you about those Fridays, right? They're getting to be too slippery to ever catch....

The rain is pitter-pattering down, I have my first cup o tea, some sweet cherries and Willa intently watching me from my side. Oh, turns out she dislikes my choice of laptop for my lap -- it could be a Willatop, you know!

Last night, another great thunder-with-the-lightening-and-the-pouring-rain storm. Yay! Have I mentioned liking those? And New England weather? No?

Yesterday was graduation day for a dear friend. We got a little time to muse over the importance of these public ceremonies and rituals to mark big passages -- graduations, funerals, weddings. I'm often not deeply excited about attending them beforehand, then once there or soon after, remember/realize our need for them and their key role. Speaking of communal events, I think want I want to go to is a barn raising. How come we don't do those anymore? Or, or ... a quilting bee! Never mind that I would likely stab myself and bleed out all over the quilt, I think it could be fun. Maybe. Maybe that interspersed with the barn raising, that sounds like a good combo. Anyway. Where was I? Ritual. Ceremony. Marking significant occasions. Important stuff.

I'm all set on the mental toughness, thanks!

2010-06-03T13:42:00.003-04:00

Letter to the Universe:

Dear Universe,

Hi! How's it goin'? I realize that's a pretty big question, given that you're the universe and all, so you can consider it rhetorical.

So, this morning, that was a pretty dear-god-bad, I'd-cry-if-it-would-help-and-maybe-I-slightly-did row, huh? Water conditions such that I'm still simultaneously trying to forget/put words on them/experiencing the surreal state they triggered.

You might counter that I've rowed in worse. I guess that might be true. Didn't particularly feel like it.

You might also have noticed that I had a harder time with it than others in the group. Yeah, I noticed that, too. I'm not sure what's up with that, if it's something super special about me, like a super-hero gene, or just that they have more experience or tougher wills or lower hands in crap water -- I can't quite say.

But, as I was doing my best impression of rowing this morning, contemplating why I'd chosen this sport, if the basin might just swallow me in its sloshing grey waters, and if perhaps I was only really meant to be a fair-water rower, I sensed there might be some giant 3-D every-sense-engaged! life message you were giving me. This would've been right about Mass Ave bridge on the way back when the water hadn't improved a smidgen, and right about there, I kinda thought -- you know, it's really great of the universe to pour all this character building into me, I probably have more character than anyone, except people going through true hardships, and I just felt very flattered that you would give me so much.

So, you know, thanks for all that! Big thanks!

You've probably also noticed things are a little uncertain (scary) and unknown as of yet about this income situation of mine (May was real quiet, you know), and that's where I felt there might be some good connecting-threads-of-my-life-together message going on there, so that's, you know, cool and all.

The thing is.

The thing is -- I'm feeling pretty set on all the mental toughness just now. Perhaps you could take some crap water and scary rowing to some other deserving soul now? I'll keep working away on the income deal (but any help, of the non-mental-toughness variety, would be great), I figure that's pretty clearly mine to solve, but perhaps in the meantime you could ease conditions or fix something in me that falls apart at them? That would be swell!

And, to be fully respectful, I get that you could could unleash a hell of a lot worse than any of this scary, I really get that. I'm really grateful you haven't. I mean, there are people fighting terrible illness, war, poverty, famine, violence -- so much that's genuine terrible. So I try to keep it all in scale - bad /terrible water? scary/miserable row? even if it feels it might eat me? pah!

But, maybe here's the thing -- I love this sport so much. It's in my blood and I want it to ever be. I want to rise to the occasion, I want to get better, I want to not fall apart just because it's hard and scary and some part of me somehow thinks I might die or something. I want to ever get better and tougher and stronger and faster and all that.

I'm just not quite so sure it's working as-is, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Perhaps keep slogging, perhaps take steps back as needed. Not sure. But, I just wanted you to know I was paying attention, I was thinking about all this, I was caring about it all, I was wanting betterment ... and I was just thinking I just might be all set with the mental-toughness lessons right at the moment, you know?

Anyway, thanks for listening. I know you're busy what with being the universe and all, so I'll let you get back to that. I'll just hold the trust and faith, keep going and see what develops.

Shana

Puzzles

2010-06-02T17:21:00.003-04:00

It's one of those days where I'm not quite sure what to say. Plenty on my mind, but not sure what to say.

No particularly entertaining stories, weather's being, well, San Diego-ishly nice. No crazy workouts (as of yet). Work stuff ... yeah ... that's what's on my mind, not so sure I really want to talk about it. Let's just say ... the next 6 weeks will be interesting.

Tied in in some remote way that I can't see yet is that I just finished Stephen King's Dark Tower series. Started reading them many years ago, what feels like, well, what was a different life ago. But I remained hooked. And I'm sorta fascinated by what he did with the last two books: He wrote himself in as a character. I was shocked. Not sure what I thought of it. Guess I'm still not sure, except it feels right. These books were like ... maybe not his life's work, but maybe. And it perhaps took his near-death from getting hit by a car a few years back to show or remind him of that. So he finished them.

And that piece in turn ties in with the amazing Mr. Pressfield who I'm currently pretty infatuated with. Except I say that in jest, because it goes deeper than infatuation. I think it's that I'm hooked on his truthtelling. He's talking about doing our life's work as well. About cutting the crap and excuses, not that he's not sympathetic, and doing it.

It all dovetails, but I'm still shuffling the puzzle pieces around on the coffee table (yes, the metaphorical one, someday I'll get a real one) as of yet. So that's me, today.

A STORM! A real, live storm, ohboy!

2010-06-01T15:01:00.001-04:00

2:30 this morning, I wake up, groggily, trying to figure out what's that sound? Something banging? Then the flashes of light help me realize it's thunder. Pretty soon rain patters, then pours. And it's, like, for real -- loud thunder, big lightning, right next to each other, downpour. V coolcozyexciting. I drift back asleep to be awakened again by the same thing. Do a little window closing, happy to jump back in bed as the gatos carefully watch the storm whilst perched along the edges of the bed. Yay, summer storms!

Hope your Memorial Day was good, hope you were able to do a little memorializing of those many folks who so deserve it. I did a little unique memorializing of a fallen soldier I don't know through his favorite workout, now named in his honor: Murph. It went something like this: 1-mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 squats, 1-mile run. Yes, I did it. Yes, I still hurt. I should point out we were able to break up the middle exercises into any sequence we wanted, which I'm pretty sure was key to completing it. And, there are these giant rubber-band things that make a pull-up possible (well, for me ... one of these days, man, one of these days). Not to mention those modified drop-to-your-knees push-ups that I had to incorporate in. Given who the workout was for, I wasn't about to do any complaining....

###

This afternoon -- grey, warm, humid, exciting! -- storm watch continues. Thunder's already reverberated loudly, twice. I'm never gonna live somewhere that doesn't have summer storms, hear me?

Oh! Guess what?? Check this out (!) (the all-caps, it's the all-caps! and the red danger!danger! heading! I get exclaimy -- I know, like I'm not already? -- in orange):

Severe Thunderstorm Warning for Middlesex County, MA

until 3:30 pm EDT, Tue., Jun. 1, 2010

Issued by The National Weather Service
Boston, MA
2:48 pm EDT, Tue., Jun. 1, 2010

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TAUNTON HAS ISSUED A

* SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING FOR... SOUTHEASTERN WORCESTER COUNTY IN CENTRAL MASSACHUSETTS... THIS INCLUDES THE CITIES OF... WORCESTER... MILFORD... SOUTH CENTRAL MIDDLESEX COUNTY IN EASTERN MASSACHUSETTS... WEST CENTRAL NORFOLK COUNTY IN EASTERN MASSACHUSETTS...

* UNTIL 330 PM EDT

* AT 246 PM EDT... NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM. THIS STORM WAS LOCATED NEAR LEICESTER... OR NEAR WORCESTER... Love how they're not quite sure which. AND WAS MOVING SOUTHEAST AT 40 MPH. Dang! That's fast!

* SOME LOCATIONS IN THE WARNING INCLUDE... AUBURN... SUTTON... MILLBURY... GRAFTON... WESTBOROUGH... NORTHBRIDGE... WHITINSVILLE... UPTON... HOPKINTON... UXBRIDGE... HOPEDALE... MENDON... MILLVILLE... HOLLISTON AND BELLINGHAM.

SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS PRODUCE DAMAGING WINDS AND LARGE HAIL... AS WELL AS DEADLY LIGHTNING AND TORRENTIAL RAIN. GET TO SAFE SHELTER NOW... Tell me this isn't exciting! INSIDE A STURDY BUILDING OR IN A VEHICLE. DO NOT SEEK SHELTER UNDER TREES. IF YOU CAN HEAR THUNDER... YOU ARE CLOSE ENOUGH TO BE STRUCK BY LIGHTNING. OK, that IS scary! DRIVERS SHOULD BE ALERT FOR PONDING (this is a cool new verb, use it today) OF WATER AND AVOID FLOODED ROADS (yeah, don't go driving through flooded roads!).

###

Signing off, with two bundles of black-and-white plus orangey-beige-and-white fur next to me, butt to butt, asleep on the couch....

Let's talk about WEATHER!

2010-05-29T18:07:00.000-04:00

There was something from yesterday, something I meant to say, something....

###

This would be my (very deep) opening to yesterday's post. Then yesterday went and vanished. I've warned you about this happening on Fridays, right? Right.

Today, official weekend opening of summer, brought some great summer weather. Warm, warmer than expected -- ah, it's the humidity! Then greying, but still warm, til skies went all grey. Then rumbling -- thunder! Few raindrops ... downpour. Excellent. Then water ceasing. Now, I see sun peering down. Tomorrow? High 80s, I believe. Yay, Boston summer!

And that's your weather report.

Wish me will

2010-05-27T21:48:00.001-04:00

I've talked about Steven Pressfield here before, right? Pretty sure I have. Pretty sure I exhorted all y'all to go buy The War of Art post-haste (so, didja, huh??). The man ... he knows some serious, important shit, that's all.

Fortunately for me and the world that's paying attention, he also blogs, about military and war stuff (tribes is his thing, but I confess to not reading that stuff -- yet), but he also does a Writing Wednesday series where every (guess when??) he writes along the same theme as The War of Art. He also has another more sporadic Creative Process series that already looks interesting.
Before I forget, if nothing else, check it out: http://www.stevenpressfield.com/category/writing-wednesdays/. You can link to his other stuff from there.

He blows me away. Like, he regularly brings me to tears, not in a gushy way, but in a goosebumpy-I-am-staring-into-the-face-of-Truth-and-I-better-sit-up-and-take-notice kind of way.

So I'm really, really trying to.

I'm not gonna say much more because he says it better than I ever could. Just, dang.

This week's post was titled Do It Anyway. He's got a point.

My takehome, that might sound embarrassingly obvious (i.e., stupid) is that while I'm trying to do this build-a-business/support-myself-freelancing thing is to ... do my work first.

I mean, I'm still gonna row at (slightly after) crack of dawn because that's when the coached session is (or whatever other morning workout I may have outside my time control), but that's only a few mornings a week, and this rule can apply fluidly all around that.

See, the thing is, it's really easy to do everything else first, then ease into work. Except, you can see where this is going, right? Sometimes, that takes way too long. Not if I have a project to work on, that's no problem. But when it comes to MY stuff -- you know, things like, oh, writing my website content and getting the site up so my networking can go that much further and I can be that much more visible.... Yeah. Suddenly, my, true, in-need-of-cleaning home becomes a screaming imperative to do so immediately. Or something else that must be done but ... at the expense of my work? Not anymore.

Of course, the terrifying thing is that I'm saying this before, you know, the three of you, which makes it all the more real. Also, this new experiment will be easy to do at first, I know it. It was today. It's in a few weeks, somewhere in there, it'll become hellishly hard. Or maybe tomorrow, who knows.

Shaping patterns, habits -- really, it's building on his last week's post, doing what he calls "training the will." So simple, so genius. Wish me luck. Wish me will.

The rowing download

2010-05-26T20:26:00.004-04:00

Somehow, in yesterday's post, I forgot to muse about rowing. And, there was plenty for my brain to chew on. Was a tough morning in kind of an interesting, new way.

And, wouldn't you know, it's bedtime-past.... But still, some things must be done.

So, Tuesdays are somewhat "pieces" day -- well, more than somewhat, they are. And Wise Coach Jeff will say things like "not outright racing" ... but you put competitive rowers (forgive the oxymoron) alongside each other, what do you think will happen??

Usually I feel like I'll mentally "give" first -- any kind of racing mindset in a single is quite new for me, and when water's choppy, as basin water always is, that gets me every time. But Tuesday, it felt like my body was all outta whack -- tense, stressed, not flowing, not feeling it. Perhaps my mind was being ultra sneaky and hiding it as my body. But it felt different. Not good different, but different. So, I worked on good mental attitude (it does get tiring, but what else can I do?).

The workout was four 8-minute pieces; we were supposed to be bumping up ratings every time, sometimes halfway through the piece. My body was having none of anything above a 24 (strokes per minute) and sometimes not even that. So, challenging. I was fighting the impending feeling of just feeling lame & slow, starting way ahead of everyone else (and they would catch me), and trying to keep working on the same damn basic shit that is so hard and will make me better.

The third piece seemed to get a little better -- the first few minutes of it were great, actually, then I hit the Bermuda Triangle of always-crap water before the Mass Ave bridge. Yeah.

Then it was time for the last piece -- supposedly at a 26, then up to 28. Ha. I was trying, trying, trying to just push myself, have a good piece, without even remotely worrying about the rating -- saw I was at a 22 at one point, so 4 strokes/minute lower than the others (a lot). Coming up on the Mass Ave bridge, I felt a story shaping in my head, about just how humbling rowing was (this is true), how much I had left to learn (also true), how it kicked my ass today ... and then I realized I was giving myself instructions there, and the piece wasn't over yet, and fuck no!

So, I pulled it together (nearly nailing adorable little goslings stupidly hanging out under the bridge and having foreign tourists yell at me from above for the near-miss), and I will say -- I had an awesome last minute! I just went for it, passed two other people who are faster than me, saw a 27 1/2 at one point -- and I must also note the water had flattened. I can row in good water! I can! It's the bad stuff....

Anyway, life lessons there, so much yet to learn, why I'll forever love rowing -- because it can and will forever kick my ass -- but not every time, every minute....

God laughs

2010-05-25T12:21:00.001-04:00

For so many reasons.

Most recently, I just glanced down the list of post titles and saw "The Weekender: It's Winter. The end." posted a mere ... twoish weeks ago? Today, it was supposed to hit 90. And it's still plenty toasty in my closed-up-with-what-was-cool-morning-air home. Ah, Boston, how do I love you? Let me count the ways.

But how I originally thought of the title was from last night.

I walk in to do my reading/recording ... and I get the Bible textbook again! For real. Geez, people.... I mean, it's kinda funny, even I get that (and you who know me are undoubtedly getting your year's worth of entertainment here) -- sure, make the heathen read Bible stuff! At least it's textbook and not the Bible itself ... can you imagine??

It actually reminded me of my very brief flirtation with church/Christianity when I was a kid and social pressures were starting to exert and I was the odd one out on the religion front. So I decided I was going to read the Bible. The whole thing. Can't remember how far I got (no way past Exodus, if even that far), but man ... oh man....

So last night, my Bible textbook chapter was about Revelations. Cheery stuff. My main complaint is all the damn hard-to-pronounce names -- who named these people?? Plus the names of the Roman emperors thrown in ... dang. Let's see ... Dom ... no, it's already left my head. But I had to go look up the pronunciation.

So, yeah, god laughs, right there. Made me think of a line I just read in Dark Tower, a reference to how when god wants to laugh, he listens to someone saying never. OK, that was a terrible paraphrasing, but would take to long to find the real deal.

###

On the work front ... I got a very nice turndown from one of the part-time positions -- the kind that winds up making you feel good, you know? The person said I was a good fit for the position, but that they were actually looking for someone in Chicago (oops), but she'd keep my resume on file in case....

Went to an editorial freelance meting tonight that was ... exceedingly odd. And awkward. In the basement of a library in the suburbs of Arlington, guess that should've been a tipoff, but it didn't hit me til I spent an hour fighting traffic to get there ... "hey, I wonder why the Boston-area meeting is here, that's weird...." Indeed. Was a lovely library, I'll say that.

I'm off to find some cool air for sleeping....

Monday catchup

2010-05-24T17:09:00.003-04:00

Yes, it's a catchup kind'a day.

First, a bit of an outcomes/"whatever happened with that?" accounting....

My parking ticket (for parking in front of my home in broad daylight with plenty of other parking around) was dismissed. Yay, City of Brookline! Of course, the Hearing Officer (different department than the Seeing and Speaking one, apparently) also cryptically wrote, in all caps, "APPLY FOR RESIDENTIAL PERMIT," which is fascinating (not quite to weather level, but close) b/c I thought Brookline didn't have residential parking....
And, it appears, appears State of Cal isn't going to make me pay for taxes from four years ago when I didn't live there, so that's a relief.
Unfortunately, Travelers does continue to suck as an insurer and is not going to refund me any of the terrible-horrible-v-bad-day sewer money I spent. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Camping was successful, wonderful, divine! We found a wonderful spot in Western Mass and totally want to go back. Apparently so does the rest of the world, doesn't sound like there are many spots left for the rest of summer. But we got to canoe our gear into our site! !! ! Supreme awesomeness. And my former doubles partner and I discovered the challenges of paddling together in a straight line (come to think of it, we never did try to row a pair together, did we?). But it was fun learning. Bottom-line solution was to put me in back 'cause I got no problem slacking and not rowing in the interest of rowing in a straight line....

More bottom-line learnings:

When given a map, be sure to ask about the scale of it! We paddled many more miles than needed ... still all in the name of fun, but pretty funny.
Also, men wearing STAFF shirts do not have all the answers:
Friend (politely calling to man in said shirt, fishing): Excuse me, do you know where Campsite 31 is?
STAFF-shirt man: No, sorry, I sure don't.
Me: laughing hysterically b/c of the sheer ridiculousness of it all . .. we'd been paddling around looking for our site for...? maybe an hour or more at this point? Good times.

And, I made that joke about a bear eating us? (If you're getting anxious, I'll cut to the punchline and tell you we weren't eaten by bears.) Turns out bears do make visits to this place and to our site in particular b/c it's the most remote.

I wasn't thrilled at the news. But we decided to keep all food & fragranced items in the car, so I then felt better. And, we were only visited by Stealth Bears, my v favorite kind....

Also, Whole Foods' Large Roasted Corn (capitalization theirs) is muy delicious. Can't stop eating. Essentially cornnuts. But w a clearer name. And, Trader Joe's trail mix kicks Whole Foods' trail mix' ass. Up and down a mountain. Twice. In case you were wondering. And, I'm going to start a petition to ban raisins from trail mix.

Squirrel party on the trash can!

2010-05-21T10:57:00.004-04:00

I mean, it is Friday, why not be celebratory about it?!

The squirrels in my yard sure are. Came up the driveway after this morning's great asskicking workout to find 3 of them chillin' on and around the trash cans. Surprised at least one of them wasn't smoking. Party down, send your squirrels on over (not really).

Also, wherever relevant/whenever it dawns on me, I'm going to start a list of Sucio's Scarys b/c, one never knows, there might be a pattern here, there might just be key information for all of us.

Today's item on Sucio's Scarys List: lip gloss, clear w/ glitter, candy-smelling scary! (note, on a person, not a tube of it. that would just be silly.)

I was going to try to re-create a list of all the prior Scarys, but I fear I wouldn't do him, or them, adequate justice, so I'll just compile as I go. Past Scarys are bound to be Current and even Future.

Last thing, on this Friday, I advocate dessert before dinner. Perhaps frozen yogurt with hot fudge, followed by something Mexican? Just an idea.

Happy Weekending, y'all. I'm'a goin' CAMPING!!

The boy + bad-water chronicles

2010-05-20T10:52:00.003-04:00

As in, two separate chronicles, combined would be a little too much for me!

First, the boy ... yesterday was the last reading-together day of the year. He was in rare form -- almost as good as the day with the pet bee. (pause to polish off delicious strawberries, reaching for chocolate soymilk)

First of all, he was practically bouncing off the ground (like a tigger) when he came up to me ... this has never occurred before. As ever, he circled the bookcart with great fascination, and I indulgently let him, b/c how can I blame him, even tho it makes the school coordinator tense.

Finally, I round him up, and we head for the classroom. He's carrying a McDonald's bag, also a first, so we're both sorta excited about that (true, me mostly excited by his energy/mood). He tears down the hallway, reads a sign on the wall in the process, and we discuss rainboots -- he's wearing his cool firefighter ones, I say I have black shiny rainboots (I omit the part about how they remind me of dominiatrix wear) but am foolishly not wearing them today, so then he asks to see my shoes, and I show him. It's pretty endearing/funny.

He zips into the classroom and sits down, pulls out the McDonald's lunch. He's really quite excited about it. Never have I seen someone eat so many french fries at once. I take a moment to point out that it's the last reading day and talk about how we can continue next year, if he wants to, and that I'm going to come back either way. I don't want to pressure him or anything but he says something to indicate he wants to continue next year. So that's encouraging. Whether it happens or not is another story, but I'm cool either way -- don't want him to continue if he's not into it or would rather have a different reader. Then I talk about the party next week, and finally he points at the books. I get his point.

Start reading -- the chapter book. The thing is, it's really a high-level book for a first-grader. I mean, the word "melee" is in there! He tells me his older brother is reading them too, so that's a clue. So I read for a few pages, then he makes a gesture, and I get that he's done with it. I kinda anticipated this, so I brought along two other picture books, one pretty simple that I know he could read, because I have a sneaking suspicion....

Sure enough, he reads it to me. There are only a few lines per page, but he's a good reader -- "artist" throws him, but he gets through "handsome couple" without a problem. Impressive! There's a full-page letter from the author on the back page that I want to read, but he's having none of it.

Think it was after this book that he, with a big smile, displaying adorable tiny teeth (do all kids have such adorable, tiny teeth? I've never noticed), says something that for the life of me I can't get. Not only does the kid not talk much, but he is sorta hard to understand when he does. He keeps saying something that sounds like "Danny" or "Dan" ... I'm completely perplexed, until I finally figure out he's saying "done." Aha! So I ask, done with reading or with these books or with me? Naturally, he says done with me, but with a smile. So I laugh and tell him that's cool, but he's got 5 more minutes and needs to stay in his seat, then I'll leave. So he gets up and grabs a book (If You Give a Mouse a Cookie ... adorable), and he lets me read that. Then it's the last-minute warning and he's dashing for the carpet so as to be first. He's always first to the carpet.

So, I rate all that as a success, given the mysterious, unknowable world and lives of first-grade boys.

As for bad water ... ugggghhhhhhhhhh. Man. This'll be short b/c I got my ass so thoroughly kicked by deadlifts last night, I need to be asleep and have things yet remaining on my list.

Upshot: it wasn't really windy today, so I thought conditions would be fine, and they weren't so bad, but....

But they still went from sorta to relatively to really quite sucky from BU boathouse to Mass Ave bridge to Longfellow, respectively. It was a technique day, so we were at lighter pressure and lower stroke rating, so that sorta made it easier, and yet....

It was steadily getting worse the closer we got to Mass Ave bridge and it was my most-hated conditions -- the one where the water is choppy and grabs at your blade, trying to tip you. Every so often, it manages to grab your blade, and my heart stops, thinking I'm about to flip. Not that flipping is like so majorly bad, not like I'm gonna die (that's only in December and March). But it's something I'm pretty set on avoiding, so it does bad things for my heart.

Anyway, as we're getting near Longfellow, I'm hitting the point where it kinda just makes me want to cry. It's seriously. Not. Fun. And, nothing to be done for it. So I toil on, my coach saying encouraging things and reminding me of the technique flaws that emerge when I'm freaked/tired/sick of battling bad water. We stop to spin not much later, and he, encouragingly (he's like the nicest coach in the world, seriously) says that I'm doing better/rowing better in it. I hear it, but it somehow doesn't change anything for me. I say it just makes me want to cry. He suggests maybe it's no longer the bawling kind of crying? I could see this being true.

I dunno. I know my technique will ever continue to improve, and the worse the water I row in (oh, deep sigh), the better other conditions will feel ... but I feel like ... there's something. Something I'm not getting or that's not clicking. Some facet of mental toughness that's yet unrevealed. I'm not actually so sure I'll get it. I doubt I'll ever feel good rowing in water like this. But I'm stubborn enough to keep going, regardless.

Friends with talents

2010-05-19T07:42:00.002-04:00

Drizzly grey morning here. Cozy. Gatos curled up into little (or not-so-little, in Sucio's case) balls of fur, noses tucked in, butt to butt alongside me. It's sort of adorable, but of course there was a minor catfight this morning to keep things balanced. Ah, power dynamics.

So, I should back up and talk about the coolest parts of this weekend before I forget them. Not that they are forgettable, just that my brain, oh, it's distractable -- hey, what's that shiny thing ove....

Saturday was the second and unfortunately final performance (well, for the now) of this very interesting and cool collaboration of dance, music and rap/spoken word/singing. Anna Myer, the mastermind behind it, called it a "rap opera," but we weren't so sure we agreed with that. I think we came up with "rap ballet" (right, guys?). The rap/poetry was powerful stuff, with some amazing dancing in there.

But, from an entirely unbiased perspective, I can say the most amazing and powerful part was when my friend (oh yes, I'm totally calling you out), Sam Martinborough, sang. Here, check out his website, in fact. I can factually say he just about blew the roof off the church with the too-short solo he got. Because I can see you think I'm biased, I can smugly say the other super-fun part was hanging around a little bit afterward and hearing everyone come up to him and say the same thing.

His mind-blowing part came at the end when singers magically popped up in the aisles of the church, each singing a piece of Amazing Grace (yes, love that one), ending with all on stage, singing together. All the singers were good, but no one came close to him. My favorite comment came from a woman who came up to him after, looked him up and down, and said, "Where does that come from?" He's not what you would call a big guy (well, physically), but his voice is that of a towering giant's.

The other cool weekend culture was getting to see some of Jessamyn's large-scale outdoors/travel photography at an exhibit as part of Newton Open Studios. That latter link will give you a small-scale taste; I loved the triptych she used on the postcard. Equally amazing were the other photos that were actually photo collages -- but you couldn't really tell that they were. It was super cool -- she (OK, I don't know photography technology so I'm playing fast & furious with words here) spliced together pieces of images from a bunch of different negatives, but what you see is one seamless picture. My thought looking at it was how crazy it was that it looked like reality, yet wasn't. Or, was a new, altered reality, so a different kind of reality, perhaps. But not a reality you could go to the actual place and see. Crazycool.

The tale of the blood-smeared oar

2010-05-18T07:17:00.006-04:00

In other words, the mark of a good row!

The grossness of this was too great for me to pass up sharing, so here goes....

I have a scab on my right middle finger from left oar handle bumpage, so naturally every time I row, I open the scab up, dig a little deeper in. Pretty, right? So today, at the end of the row (gorgeous water, no wind, hallelujah! I can actually somewhat row when the conditions all cooperate!), I notice my knuckle looks pretty well bloodied. That's cool, nothing out of the ordinary for a rower, right? Well, until the rower figures out how to get her left hand away a wee bit faster.

So I put Pepper away, wipe her down, cover her up (matching Barney royal-purple cover, yep), put my oars away, and as I do so, I look up and see something on one of the handles. I squint up at it, it's long and brown, so I figure it's a leaf squashed against the handle. Slightly weird, but so be it. Then the thought flickers, Wouldn't it be cool if that were blood? (Note: I'm being entirely honest with you, dear readers, I admit it's a slightly ridiculous thought to have, but that's the one I had.) I'm about to walk away when the urge to check becomes irresistible, mostly because it's unbelievable.

So I grab the oar out of the rack, tilt it down so I can see the handle and realize ... it's blood. It was simultaneously so gross and cool ... trust me, it was. So then I had to share it, of course. I mean, wouldn't you? So I wander around the boat bays until I find Ed, talking to another rower, and I'm like, "You've got to see this," and I show them my bloody knuckle then show them the oar handle, but Ed, admittedly mid-conversation, doesn't get the connection, so he frowns and rubs the handle and says, "What IS it?" and I, already feeling bad he's touching it, say "blood," at which point, he yanks his hand back and goes, "ewwwww."

That's the story of the blood-smeared oar.

Most remarkable, naturally, is how I can make a reasonably long story out of much of nothing. You're quite welcome.

And, a weather note, how can I resist? This weekend, I got some park sitting time! Love the park sitting. Some reading in the sunlight, ahhh. Well, partial sunlight, clothed body parts in sun, head in shade. It was lovely. And, with the nice weather, OK, rainy and chillier today, true, but with the coming nice weather, I'm going to do some camping! Have a trusty camping sidekick, so it'll be all kinds of fun. Unless we get eaten by bears. But we won't.

Oh yeah, a mousing update, for you following that enthralling story ... the whole one of you! There were definitely sounds of possible Sucio hunting last night, which woke me up, and I felt bad all over again, but come on, Poor Dumb Little Mouse! I keep giving you chances, but you gotta be able to get yourself out! So I surrendered, wasn't about to round up and lock the cats in jail again. No body parts or entrails this morning, so I dunno. And, to prove I have small degrees of classiness, I'm not going to tell you my debatable theory of well-did-he-eat-the-mouse? Really, I'm not. I guarantee you're grateful, even if you don't know it.

The Weekender: There was mousing

2010-05-17T07:11:00.001-04:00

Weekend highlights!

Adventures in mousing
In which me and the gatos spent some quality time in a small jail (AKA, the bedroom) together to give the little mouse a chance to escape. Look, I felt bad for him.

Here's how it went down:
I got home Saturday evening for what was supposed to be a quick "grab the puzzle [puzzles are VERY useful to have on hand for Saturday night adventures, in case you somehow didn't know this] and some food supplies" that very quickly turned into a pause at the front door b/c, look, there are the adorable gatos, being adorable, which quickly moved to my friend saying "what are they up to?" to then me very quickly realizing they weren't playing, they were in hunt mode, ohno ohno, to next advancing a few steps into the room, to then spying with horror a little grey lump in the corner of the room (Me: "Is there something in the corner? ohmygod ohmygod" Friend: "No, no, nothing there" Me: "Ohno ohno, there is, ohmygod") to Willa spotting the little lump and attacking, and the poor little mouse running for cover behind a rock (it's a different story why I have a rock in my living room, but rest assured, it's a very pretty one) and me shoving Sucio -- actually, what am I saying, I'm sure he ran for it, so me hovering behind Willa saying effective things like "No, Willa! Willa, no!" as Willa completely ignored me, in full huntress mode.

So I finally, bravely grab Willa, toss her in the bedroom with Sucio, close the doors. Then I run into the kitchen, where I've got a back door, open it, vainly hope the mouse will just run out the door. Meantime, Poor Little Mouse is huddled in another corner, my friend stamps, trying to get him to move, and the Poor Little Thing jumps like 2 feet straight vertical and runs into this pantry thing in the kitchen.

Friend suggests the cats might be just the thing to solve the problem, so I have to clarify that I'm worried about the MOUSE, plus, the one thing I despise about cats is how they torment their prey and I want none of that on my watch, PLUS the last thing I want is mouse entrails all over the house ... or on my pillow ... or in a pile next to the bed that I'd step into first thing in the morning. You know it would happen.

As I write this, Sucio is alternately staring me in the face, looking very contented with himself and half-lying on me, purring away. Willa's on the other side, on the beloved blue blanket (note, the same blanket that caused BOTH gatos to curl up next to each other yesterday! it has magic powers), with her head on the little catnip pillow. I kid you not. I've totally lost my place here in gato adorableness. That and a pear.

Okaaaay ... so, yeah, the Poor Mouse. I felt bad for him. Although, I have to admit, I was vexed with him -- I mean, of all the units in the building, why go into the ONE with cats?? Really, dude, that's a Darwin award right there. But I still felt bad. So, after a little debate, I decided to carry on w the original mission, leave the cats in bedroom jail (w food & water & open [screened] windows, so not a terrible jail, no one call SPCA), leave the back door open a little (it doesn't open to the outside, for all the readers worried about my safety & sanity right now), and keep the cats in bedroom jail with me all night. And I very explicitly told the mouse all this before leaving, told him this would be his chance, to run for it, stay away and tell all his friends the drill. So that's what I did.

Gatos were glad to get out of jail the next morning and I haven't seen him, so I'm hoping, hoping he took off ... and isn't eating my appliance tubing, like one of the neighbors. I mean, they ate her tubing, she didn't eat my tubing ... far as I know ... 'cause that would be real weird.

OK, I had no idea the mouse adventure would take that long to tell. There were actually a few cooler adventures, but I've gotta start my day here, so those will have to wait.

OK, I will mention this one b/c it's short: I got a care package from my mom -- I love care packages from my mom. They often have that wonderful combo of randomness, usefulness and glamour. Take note: one electric toothbrush, including two new replacement brush-head-things; two sweaters I inherited (this is supreme awesomeness -- I have a great sweater collection thanks to getting such inheritances -- OK, Willa is now snoring. Which made Sucio purr. Adorableness!), one of them is even stripey [back to sweaters here, people] -- stripey! like a tigger! the other a lovely dark green that Willa promptly laid on to make her own, courtesy of shedded white catfur; AND, last items, stay w me here, a makeup bag with a few of the free gifts you get w purchase and some lipstick inheritances -- this is also how I've gotten a few favorite lipsticks, and if the colors don't work, I didn't spend any money. Only thing it lacked was chocolate, but I've certainly gotten some amazing chocolate care packages as well, so no complaints. OK, the end.

That Friday fade

2010-05-14T21:00:00.003-04:00

... think it hits me fairly frequently, which is why the Friday post sometimes fades away as well. Might wind up trading it for a Saturday one or lump it in with The Weekender, we shall see.

Given the fade, not much energy here, but can offer a small workfront update. As freelancers have pointed out to me, the freelancing game is a lot easier, a lot more secure, probably a lot more enjoyable when you have some kind of anchor income coming in -- something part-time, might not be anything giant or exciting, but some sort of steady income you know will be coming in.

As I got closer to smaller bank account balances, this logic is beginning to make a lot of sense to me. It doesn't change the dream or plan; I'm loving the freelancing and think it's viable, there's plenty of work out there, it's just finding it, and for a lot of reasons, that's tough to do -- doable, but not easy. As a side note, as money gets lower, I speculate there may be an inverse relationship to the amount of braveness and leaps forward out of my comfort zone to find clients. Oh, fun. But the point is, it takes time. And, having some kind of X monthly or whatever-increment of known income would ease some of the scary, while still keeping the dream, wonderful lifestyle, and plan alive.

So, I'm beginning to scout out part-time possibilities. Found an interesting one at MGH so applied for that today. Did some reaching out to a few MGH peoples I know; we'll see what-all that-all yields.

So, yeah, there it is. This doesn't strike me as deeply exciting or entertaining or a great story or even terribly interesting to you who are my beloved readers, but guess it's a little insight into the evolution of the income plan ... which is one of the intended points of this blog. It's just, you know, so much more fun to, I mean, I just adore talking about the weather (weather!) and general Boston craziness and for-real crazy guys on the street and the random wonderfulness of life and rowing and ... you know. But, work stuff today. I'll allow that's valid, too.

Good Friday night, all, happy happy weekending!

Just this

2010-05-13T14:21:00.002-04:00

I was walking down the street yesterday, on my v important faxing errand (see yesterday post if you're deeply mystified and intrigued) and passed this older gentleman, white hair, white stubble and glasses, who, upon seeing me, broke into a wide, beaming smile, waved his hand in the air and said, in the tones of one passing on the gladdest tidings to a dear friend, "Evening is coming, evening is coming," and broke into a spontaneous, excited laugh, a laugh of complicity.

I, mid-stride, turned my head toward him, instinctively smiling, but puzzled, and said something like, "Oh. Yes, it is."

I mean, he had a point.

From grey to light

2010-05-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

It's a grey Wednesday. I'm currently engaged in perhaps the greyest chore imaginable -- sitting on hold -- 31 minutes and counting -- with the CA tax board. Bleakly grey, not even pretty or shiny grey.

And, in a sign of my ever-growing popularity with the CA tax board, they've decided I should've filed 2007 taxes with them, too. Wrong! I'll bet you a basket of bunnies w/ no birth control the 2008 notice is just around the corner. I try not to hate, I do. I'm just not always successful.

What else can I tell you? Today was trash day, you're right, a pretty exciting day around here, but it was pretty tame. Neighbors actually took the cans out, so musta been their annual turn. Squirrels have been more mellow, but they're still around, so who knows if the poor Squished Squirrel was really Trash Squirrel....

Met w the grantwriter -- she took ME to lunch, how sweet & awesome was that?? Had this simply amazing sweet potato/jack/red onion/avocado/poppy-yogurt-something sandwich on delectable Hi-Rise bread. Was great to meet with her, left me with a sense that there's plenty of work out there, but I have an awful lot to learn. And, a limited bank account, thus time, in which to learn it. Hm. But, she gave me some great resources and reinforced my v high-tech sketch of a business plan: meet the people. Keep meeting the people. Find the clients amongst them.

OK. I am duty bound to tell you that amidst the grey and the greyest of tasks, there can still be hope. Dang. After a ... only 37-min wait, I talked to a human at the CA tax board and ... I'm afraid to say this out loud, but it seems like we clarified what was a misunderstanding ... that happened to look like tax evasion. My mom's Cal PO box ... my Mass address ... a jointly owned Cal property that I own a sliver of ... my own mortgage for my Mass place ... y'know, tax evasion! The scarily potentially easily achieved deal is that ... I just have to fax my Mass tax returns to Cal for those two years. Huh. Not exciting to anyone but me, but it means I actually get to KEEP the first good chunk of money I EARNED freelancing so I gotta say, it's a happy day, y'all. That, and I'm making website progress! Aiming to get at least a skeleton up next week. Gulp! I'll post a link. Then you hafta visit it. And say nice things. You hafta. OK, I gots some papers to fax!!

Income, you say?

2010-05-11T14:32:00.004-04:00

Oh, maybe it's time for another (boringish?) work update? Truly, I don't think what I'm doing is boring, but since a large amount of what I'm doing is trying to figure out what I'm doing and make it happen on the freelance writing/editing front ... I figure it's somewhat limited interest, and I suppose I only want to flail so much in public. I mean, more than I already do.

Met with a new copyeditor last week and it was a little refreshing to have someone else seek the informational interview rather than me for a change! Of course, a lot of what we wound up talking about was freelancing, so see paragraph above....

Am having lunch with a grantwriter tomorrow, looking forward to that. Lots of grants pieces/potentials blowing in the wind as of late, and I think it's a great realm to have experience. Compared to marketing-y and communications-y projects that I like but somehow feel squishy, grantwriting seems very clear, concrete. It's not all I want to do, but it would be nice to have that be an ongoing piece of what I do. I think.

Otherwise, it's me working away on whatever projects pop up from friends/folks I know/new contacts, time to start pitching the veterans article (I really do love article writing), ever trying to continually reach out and network, figure out where the people are I need to connect with, learn from other freelancers, get the website finished (finally made content progress, now to rescue the site itself from a bit of limbo so I can upload), find new ways to make myself more visible, meet more people, repeat, repeat.... So simple, but certainly not easy.

I think I need some more tea.

Me & the Bible

2010-05-10T20:09:00.002-04:00

'cause we go together like (crossed fingers) that.

Show up to read at Recording for Blind & Dyslexic, and what book do I pull out? Not the actual Bible, that would've been an awesome topper. No, but ... OK, I already forgot the name but it was essentially a textbook ON the Bible.

Go ahead. Finish your laughter. No, no, I'll wait. All you who know me, get it out now, otherwise you'll be guffawing and chortling your whole way through.

I think my starting exclamation was dear god. And, since I was raised a heathen and know jack about the Bible apart from what I've picked up along the way (central to Christianity, you say? hmmmmmm, fascinating), I don't know JACK of the names and all. So my swears progressed to dramatically more blasphemous. And then, quoting the verses right? Uhhhhhhhh. And the abbreviations?? Don't get me started on abbreviations! WHAT does "cf." mean?? What? TELL ME, someone!

Anyway, I made it through. That's all the story I got in me today....

The Weekender: It's winter. The end.

2010-05-09T07:47:00.003-04:00

I really was just going to leave it at that, but b/c I love weather so much, how could I not at least briefly elaborate?

Yesterday, it rained. And thundered! Thunder! Think I saw a flash of lightening. Yes, I did b/c it was right after a clap of thunder and I had to get out of my car and was afraid of being electrocuted. I wasn't. But, not a picnic day, just not. Even an indoor one. So, we'll let the weather call the raincheck date there.

This morning, Sucio'd taken up his post by the radiator and when I investigated, sure enough, it was on. 40s out, frost advisory. Highs of 50s, maybe low 60s all week.

There was something else, but I dunno. The Weekender, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh -- I had a nightmare I had to/was supposed to leave Boston! [Secret side note: Elle, think it was inspired by our conversation.] Think I'd run out of money (a seriously bad dream) and I was going to temporarily go back to California, had made all the arrangements, then just couldn't leave. Was gonna camp in my yard or something, I dunno. But, funny how strong a place takes hold, right? Of course, I also dreamed I was interviewing an entertaining set of twins and I had absolutely no idea which was which.

Bostonversary!

2010-05-07T06:56:00.004-04:00

Guess what today is, y'all??

Oh, gave it away in the title, did I?

But YES, it's my 5-year Bostonversary! Five whole years. In bed this morning, I was remembering the cross-country drive with my two cats, my dad and his dog in his car, pulling a trailer of my stuff.

The Oak Square Y in Brighton was one of my first sights of my new home. Was pretty darn exciting. And Atsuya, one of my unmet-til-arriving roommates, was the first to welcome me. It was grey and drizzly, in the 50s. Feels both near and far away timewise.

My today began well with an early wakeup, getting to watch the sky lighten, the first bird waking up. I even got syncopated purring from the flanking gatos, first alternate purring, then in unison. I was v tempted to spend the day in bed, so adorable are they, but then I got hungry. You know, priorities.

I shall attempt to celebrate with a picnic tomorrow. Naturally, New England weather isn't looking to cooperate -- rain and thunderstorms all day? No matter, my living room floor is almost the same as a park.

Oh, the bed, it awaits

2010-05-06T21:21:00.002-04:00

Coherence, it is low. Should be a fun post.

What was I saying?

More windy rowing today. Oh, yay. But, but, not as bad as last week. Sadly, not so much due to skill increase but simply that wind and water weren't as bad. Tho Mass Ave still sucked. Think I have a new nemesis in that bridge. There's the always-crazy patch of water right before it, even if the conditions are fine, it's a like a mini Bermuda right there, I swear. Amelia's gonna pop up any day. But there's also inevitably wind whipping around under the bridge, swirling the water all up. Grrrr.

Oh -- crazy thing, launching in the wind, the water was no fun around the boathouse, but we headed down through the BU bridge "just to peek" (as in, see how crappy it was) in the basin, and -- crazy, the water totally flattened. I mean, for a bit. But it was amazing for that bit. Then its terrible face emerged at Mass Ave.

But what I realized was, it's not so very much the wind that I hate, altho I'm just fine with no wind, it's choppy water, specifically, the sneaky little wavelets that rear up, grab your blade (and it's always just one of them), and hold on, so in an adrenaline-rush-to-toes you know you're gonna flip. This is what always makes me stop and swear. Sometimes pant. Or whatever survival calls for.

So, it's good to know precisely what you hate, I maintain.

The good part about launching in scary-for-me conditions was I decided I was akin to a superhero just for the launch, and I didn't really have to do anything else -- wouldn't worry about ratings or pressure or hell, even the day's drills, could just bob around in the waves and feel triumphant. And stay upright. I'm really getting how much I need to practice in wind and crap water, so am grateful for anything I come up with to ease the way. And triply grateful when the conditions ease a bit.

Plus, it kinda makes everything else in life seem easy. Or easier. How bad can finding paying clients be, really, I survived crap basin water today. How bad can the layers of bureaucracy be we sometimes have to wade through, I didn't flip today.... Things like that.

I also feel like for near the first time in all my time rowing -- 10 years this summer! -- I'm starting to get inklings (inklings) of competitive feelings in a 1x (hey, I spent lotsa time in big sweep boats). My main concern in a 1x has always been simply to stay upright and to figure all the 5 million little pieces out. But I've spent so much time slogging through all that, it's like it's starting to flow a little. We shall see, I always pretty much figured I'd want to race in a 1x someday, just didn't know when the day would come. Still don't, but it's getting closer.

I'm pretty sure I had other thoughts, but I'm also pretty sure my brain just flipped out the lights and crawled into bed. So I'm like a headless chicken here, typing away. Impressive, right?

The painting of the blue (or, summertime)

2010-05-05T07:42:00.003-04:00

I never managed to post those early signs-o-spring photos I took or to finish marveling at how things were turning green everywhere and how there are leaves on all the trees before it suddenly became days of 80 degrees ... hi, summer?

So, I turn to signs o summer:

Summer walks -- beginning with the inaugural multi-mile/hour walk through the city in flipflops on a warm summer night. Walking across the Mass Ave bridge, warm wind blowing, city lights shining, I shook my head and sighed at the wonder of it all, just like I do every time I cross that bridge at night.
Summer storms! They're starting! The day will start with sun, then suddenly turn a dark stormy grey, trees will begin whipping outside, and yeah, I get all excited. Haven't seen thunder AND lightning as of yet, but it's coming, I know it.
Then there was the recent (relevant) utterance I was requested to include here: You know it's summer when the toilet's sweating. Seriously. I wasn't trying to be remotely funny when I said it, it's a fact of humid summer life. Or, as I like to say/think: it's tropical, y'all!
Painted toenails -- also known as ... the painting of the blue (as in, favorite polish color). But with serious runner-up props I have to say -- my lifting coach this morning had her toenails the exact, I mean, precise (dyed to match??), shade of lovely light springy green as her flipflops. It was a marvel. Since I'm lagging on the painting o the blue, in spite of warmth & flipflop appearances, I am the same shade as her toenails with envy. BUT WAIT: In a breaking-news update ... due to the inspiration of a networking meeting in sandals (not a rule for the meeting or anything, altho that would be cool) ... THE TOENAILS HAVE THEIR FIRST COAT O BLUE. Yes!
And, flies -- surely a sign o summer, right? But really, it's just an excuse to report that Brave Sucio went fly hunting this morning in the window ledge ... and then ran away. I think the fly scared him. I love him so.

And, hey, it's Cinco de Mayo! Sheesh, you know you're not W Coasting anymore when no one around you knows/comments on this fact.... Someone in CA, drink a Corona for me, please, with extra (well-cut) lime!

It's a list thang

2010-05-04T20:42:00.002-04:00

Cool things from my mini dusky stroll tonight:

A pair o ducks, he-duck and she-duck, waddling through the park's grass (not the nearby water, just out for a stroll on the grass)
Tulips! Tulips. Growing out of the ground. The Californian in me marvels yet. One eyecatcher: white tulips with blood-red streaks.
The most amazing post-storm near-dusk lighting. Can't describe.

Things on my couch:

Me
Hence, my laptop
Gato 1
Gato 2
2 pillows, oops, I mean 3. 2 match.
A blue blanket adored by said gatos
A white blanket I've kept from the gatos. So far.

Annoyances (the petty ones)

The length of my hair in back
That I can't remember the other, more interesting thing I was going to write about
That a river of dark chocolate has yet to materialize in my backyard

Work-type thoughts

I keep forgetting to give more frequent updates, don't I? One of the purported purposes of this here blog.
Why do I forget to give more frequent updates? Sometimes they don't feel so interesting. Sometimes I forget I haven't been talking about it. Sometimes, it's just all so in my head, it's hard to untangle, or it just wants to stay in my head for the moment.
What else? Had a little run of grant-y things. Kinda cool. Not sure what paying project comes next -- vague possibilities not-yet materialized.
Meeting a few folks in the next few weeks, so that's always good.
Immediate focus: website. Get it done. Done enough. Just a start. Get it up.

Words I can't type without typos (naturally, words I type all the time)

About
Sometimes
Course
(there are more currently conveniently eluding my grasp)

The Weekender: Requiem for a squirrel ... not to mention our clean water supply ... and Louisiana wildlife

2010-05-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

Well, geez, that's a large requiem. I thought one for the squished squirrel in my driveway was bad enough, and suddenly, it exponentially expanded. Bad stuff.

I came home from boxing Saturday afternoon, parked in my spot behind the house, and was walking down the driveway when I saw, not just a dead squirrel, but a dramatically dead squirrel -- on its back (sorry, no clue if it was Mr or Ms Squirrel), spreadeagle. I kid you not. It was v sad. And, worst of all, I was afraid I'd been the one to hit it. Well, maybe that's not worst of all, certainly not from the squirrel's perspective. But it made me feel extra bad. I didn't see it coming down the driveway. But I didn't feel any kind of a thump. I dunno. Poor squirrel. Complicating matters, he also might've been our Trashcan Squirrel. I'd been meaning to write about him (OK, or her -- Unknown-Gender Squirrel of the Trashcan). I'll see what happens with trash this week and keep you updated, fear not.

And, clean drinking water -- geez! Won't spend too many words here because you can get plenty of them in the news. But, of course, TV-less here, I don't find out til the next morning when I'm reading the paper, drinking, yes, my bottle of tapwater. Ahhhh! It's OK, I seem to be surviving without any ill effects. Save my arms. But that's not related to the water supply. See below. The main pieces here are that I think the city somehow should've sent me a text, although I logically get they probably didn't have my number. But still. A more valid annoyance is that Boston.com (online arm of Boston Globe) sends me news alerts via email, but somehow, somehow, this didn't rise to a news alert? Really?

So, spent lots of time boiling water and storing it in every bottle and pot and bowl I own. And, discovering boiled water tastes terrible. Who knew? Can't figure out what to do with dishwashing scenario. On a serious note, of course it reminds me of how stunningly good we have it, because there are millions of people on this planet who have this as their lifelong reality, and plenty more who have no running water, let alone a convenient gas stove to boil it on, let alone all the others who have no water at all. And yes, I do still want to know when my drinkable water will be back; I'm already tired of the "days, not weeks" proclamations I keep hearing in the news. Thanks, guys, way to be specific. I guess "we don't know" sounds too scary?

Sucio just let out a stretch-squeak. Awesome sound effect. If only I could embed audio files. Well, and I had the noise in an audio file.

And Louisiana, dang. I really don't have adequate words there. Just ... dear god. When will we learn? Ever?

And, and I have this residual pull-up problem that is killing me! Every time I straighten my arms, it feels like when you straighten a limb after having it folded for many hours - that exact achey feeling. It actually happens when I bend my arms, too. So it's tricky. Do I walk around with perfectly straight arms all the time, like a robot? Or just keep them bent, but live in fear, knowing there will be a straightening moment that hurts in direct proportion to how long it's been bent? It's a problem. Delayed onset muscle soreness, the very, very best kind. Yes, undoubtedly I should go do more pull-ups. No, I'm not really going to do that. The day's workouts will have to suffice.

And for the mental toughness portion of our program

2010-04-29T10:48:00.004-04:00

We have rowing, in the basin, with the wind -- a nice swirling cross, nothing so straightforward as a headwind -- and the very rough waters, making small waves, which will break over your boat, more than once, and bring to mind people telling you about racing singles at Head of the Charles with waves breaking over their boat and flipping at the start....

It was NOT pretty, people. I periodically would stop and swear or sigh or moan, but the thing is ... without rowing again, no way would I get back. After the Mass Ave bridge, where the water perhaps got worse -- is that even possible? -- and after attempting one more drill sequence (sigh, because of COURSE the basin with shit water is a GREAT time and place to do drills, particularly catch drills -- I mean, what's a little more boat instability at that point, right?), our coach finally relents and tells us to spin, so then we get to work our way ACROSS, which means imagine instead of taking the waves straight on, they're rocking you side to side. And I am one of the bigger wind/bad-water wimps. The crazy part is that it somehow never crossed my mind to turn back. And that's no credit for me being brave and tough, it's like I literally forgot that was an option. As we were spinning, I was like "why the hell didn't I turn back before the bridge??" No good answer.

Of course, if we all reflect back to posts at the end of last rowing season, where I was complaining about rowing in the wind, I was also acknowledging what I needed was to be forced to row in more of it. The trueness of that makes me grumpy enough to not say anything more about it. Let's just say I won't do such character- and rowing-ability-building with much grace or without complaints. That can be the goal for 5 years from now or something.

I'll begrudgingly point out that once we came back upstream, the water felt like heaven, the straight headwind at our backs was lovely. Rowing felt smooth, almost easy. I'm not sure what I was doing in the basin, but it wasn't really rowing. Lots of oar-dragging on water and wave-catching and grunting. And the swearing.

After, stretching on the mat upstairs, I demanded a water review of the veteran rower in our little group (oh yeah, did I mention there were NO other singles, hell, any boats, in the basin because every other SANE person wouldn't go down there??) -- a seriously fast, tough dude who was once impaled by an 8 and miraculously survived his guts spilling out into the then-disgusting Charles water (no, I'm not making any of this up). He confirmed the water was bad and said he felt "uncomfortable," which I took as splendid vindication.

It just so deeply sucks rowing in water like that. I kinda suspect it never gets easy or feels good, but I guess it's all about building the tolerance and moving the discomfort/confidence threshold. By its very nature, a very nasty, terrible business there.

Adventures in volunteering

2010-04-28T21:14:00.001-04:00

It's been a few weeks now, but meant to do some mulling over recent volunteering. Now I have the piling-on experiences. Oh dear. It'll be a memory test.

Kid-reading adventures
Today was Mauricio. That kid is a trip. I mean, he puzzles me. He doesn't talk. Or, barely talks. And, I'm fundamentally about not forcing things/people. So, things could be a perfect storm here. A perfectly quiet storm. Last week was vacation week, and I know, or at least I think, he went to DC with his family. But, couldn't get a word out of him about it. There was a noise or two that I took interpretative liberties with, but who really knows.

So for today, his mom had asked the program coordinator to get a book from the library - something like The 39 Clues? It's a series. Apparently he's reading them, or someone's reading them, at home. So, he opted for that one today -- it's a big ole like real book, more so even than The Diary of a Wimpy Kid we'd started last time. Pretty high level, but that's cool by me. He said he's reading book 6 at home and had read this one, but was seemingly still game to read it. So, once we dealt with the strawberry-yogurt explosion in his lunchbag, I started reading. He seemed into it. And then, 5 minutes before time was up, like last time, he reaches over, closes the book, packs up his bag and is just done. So, me being me, I kinda fundamentally respect that. I mean, I'd rather we kept going or at least talked (but that would, you know, involve talking), but I'm not gonna force him. So he packs up, wanders away, and is looking at books in a rack in the classroom. I start reading the other picturey book I'd grabbed as a long shot, by Lloyd Alexander (Lloyd Alexander rocks, people).

Then the coordinator comes over to him, tells him to come sit, so he does. So I give him the quick recap of the prior pages, and start reading. It's a super simple book, a parable (we didn't get to the moral, so can't share that ... looked to be about self-sufficiency or belief in self or something), with v cool illustrations -- like the pages were essentially paintings with a few words on them. And he's sitting and listening -- he seems to be an obedient kid and all, but he did seem to be into it. Then the class comes in, and he sprints for the rug -- he kinda seems to have a thing about being first on the rug. So, such it was.

Only a few more weeks left, wonder if he'll opt to continue next year. Walking out, I was talking about what went down, and one of the other volunteers made the seemingly adult (obvious) point that I could certainly tell him to sit and that we need to keep reading until the time's up. So then I felt a little silly. I mean, seemingly I am the grownup, right? This is why I'm not a parent, y'all! Well, maybe more reasons than this, but kids, they're a puzzle. I maintain they're not fully done baking, so I shouldn't expect them to be mini adults, but it's tricky when I just don't know what's in that little head of his. And I can sure ask, but bet you a bridge I'd get silence. But, I'll try. Will do the whole "so, here's how this works" thing next week, try giving him some options when he's "done" ... and we'll see!

Out-loud-reading adventures
Let's see, last time I was at Reading for the Blind & Dyslexic, I got something exciting -- yes, still a textbook, but a NEW book. Like, I was the one starting it! Exciting! I mean, sure, it means I got to read the table of contents (yay?), but it was kinda cool to be the one to start a book. Always wonder what the listener thinks when the voice totally switches. Surely they're used to it, but still, must be jarring. Wonder if they have favorite and least-favorite readers? Pet peeves (like, when I hit names I have no idea how to pronounce and know every reader probably makes up their own version)?

This week is their big fundraising/recording bonanza -- I was gonna read twice this week, but had to cancel one and haven't made it back to look at the big book and see if there're holes. But, once is something. I know they're hard up for "specialty" readers, so keep racking my brain for anyone into mathematics, chemistry, biology, medicine, etc., who'd be into reading out loud. No one's come to mind yet.

Youth-bookstore adventures
OK, two more -- the volunteering racked up! A few weekends ago, I volunteered at this supremely cool amazing organization called More Than Words -- check it out. They did a fantastic job with the volunteer experience, too -- really engaged/involved the volunteers as well as all the kids working there, gave a real sense of the place, then got down to some concrete work. At one point, I was arranging shelves. Got mega alphabetical testing -- don't laugh, the middle of the alphabet blurs -- when was the last time you had to do tons of alphabetizing?? Then once all the books had been reordered (my alpha skills were better than theirs, must say), I tried to make an attractive display ... not my forte, was kinda challenging, but fun.

As a bookstore, it was a cool place, well put together, and the physical space came into being because their online sales were doing so well. So, if you need to do any bookbuying, apart from hitting up your local independent shop, consider them! They also had these paintings up in the store that kids had done and they were fantastic. I wanted to buy one of them, but not quite in the artbuying market just now, even the youthful one. I gotta do more with them, will bring back more stories then. It's just such a great idea that's been executed so well; it was really inspiring at showing a great possibility come true.

Adventures in high schools
OK, the last mini story (in what has become Shana's Volunteering Manifesto) was at Hyde Park High, which isn't its official name anymore, but don't make me go look it up. I'm almost outta time before heading out to this thing. So, as a native Californian, I was totally blown away just by this school itself -- huge, all indoor, ornate, just so different than the low-slung one-level blobs o school I grew up with.

The volunteering idea was a partnership with the City of Boston and WriteBoston to promote writing in schools (I'm boiling down their better wording, but that's the essence). WriteBoston has a couple of tutors there to help kids with writing stuff, plus teachers with lesson planning and such, and they pull in volunteers from the community as well. I was there week before vacation week, so not only was the schedule off, the kids were sorta as well ... teachers, too, probably. So, I didn't get a very good taste, but I'll be heading back in a few weeks. More to say about the experience of being there, but will probably gel better once I go back.

Ambulances, grants & night skyscrapers

2010-04-27T21:17:00.003-04:00

It's winter again -- sorta! Rainy and raw out tonight -- fingers numb as I walk outside. Home to happily hissing radiators -- the gatos and I are collectively pleased. Note: It's supposed to be 80s this weekend. A'course.

Went to a grant panel tonight put on by the Boston Arts & Business Council (if that's not their actual name, it's v similar, I promise). Of course, getting there was 3 and a HALF nightmares. And it's that last half that'll kill ya. Of course I know about getting lost everytime I go somewhere in Boston, but usually I'm lost in a car -- that was one of the rare times I was lost on foot. A little more challenging. But the odds of my ending up in Maine are lower. I gave myself triple the time Google spit out to get there, but alas, should've gone for quadruple. It's just that sometimes the ridiculousness hits points I don't believe. Silly me. I also forgot to take into account the time of day -- leaving at 5 -- and where I was -- financial district, one of the crazier places to drive, I maintain (North End doesn't count b/c I simply flatout absolutely refuse to drive there. Parking garage all the way. $25? Fine.)

Anyway, it's highly highly highly trafficy on highly highly highly narrow roads -- everyone's so frustrated at the snail pace through the lights, thus everyone makes a blatant run for it at the red light, thus blocking the intersection for the next set of people, just like it was blocked for them. There's something wrong in this thinking, some teeny, tiny little flaw, just can't put my finger on it.... And then, then -- an ambulance came through. I have NO FREAKING IDEA how they got through. If I had to point to evidence of magic, that would be what I point to. Somehow, all the cars squeezed somewhere. Then there was a moment of shock as everyone saw a wideopen road. And of course we all thought about immediately crowding onto it and cutting everyone else off, and the honking began.

So it took me, what? Maybe 25 minutes to go a few blocks? But, once I got there, the navigating all one-way streets in the area to snag nearby parking was surprisingly doable. But then I had to walk from my car to the place. Only a few blocks, but I was so turned around, I kinda had to strike out in all four directions to find my way. Which I eventually did.

The grant panel was aimed at artists, so a lot of the specifics there didn't quite resonate for me. But I did think to ask for the panelists' suggestions on meeting up with folks who were looking for grantwriting/editing help, and all of them were enthused and told me to email them. So, that was cool. Clearly. One of them lives in JP and is a freelance grantwriter, so we talked maybe having a coffee talk (coffeetawk). Another puts on this cool conference for all types of artists to connect them with people and opportunities, so she suggested my doing a "mentoring session" where I'd help folks with their grants, which would give the conference people a free helper, me a free conference pass, conference goers get help, and generally good stuff all around. The other panelist said she hears from folks all the time looking for grant help, willing to pay, so great potential there. With her offer to post a link for me, she also made me realize afresh how much I NEED to finish the website already. Got a plan to tackle that, starting this week. Thank god. I'm such a cliche -- cobbler's kids having no shoes, writer/editor not getting her own site done....

Leaving the session, I had a few admittedly cold moments on downtown Boston streets, but a beautiful night, rain stopped, and all the gleaming highrises were cool to be amongst as a change of pace.

Now I have madly grooming gatos on either side of me -- what, they've got hot dates later tonight??

The Weekender: True Evil + Slip'n'Slide

2010-04-26T09:20:00.000-04:00

This weekend was considerably less exciting than last weekend, I hafta say. But then, how does one match roller derby and homefried everything? Exactly. And sorry if you got all excited by the title ... it's a little misleading, but I'm telling you right up front.

We did have some nice weather. And, that gives me the segue to share this marvelous quote from Charles Pierce (oh, he's written all kinds of stuff and writes for the Boston Globe): "In reality, New England is where Persephone, Goddess of Springtime, comes every year to get drunk on Sterno and dance with sailors." Awesome, right? That Persephone, now I know who I'm coming back as in my next life.

But he was basically talking bout the craziness of, well, New England weather, spring in particular. He just said it better than I ever could. But it did make for some nice park lounging and Stephen King reading (last Dark Tower book!), which is always lovely. Except for the waking thought I had this morning about this way creepy True Evil being born as a baby who then turns into a giant spider with a baby's head somewhere on it who eats its mother as a first meal. That's a little creepy. But, it's King. And, really, what else would True Evil do but that upon being born?

Oh yeah, and I got a lovely letter from the wonderful State of California, who I'd been worrying about recently what with their budget and earthquakes and tsunami warnings, sending me a tax bill from 2006 (that's not a typo). During which I lived in Mass. And yes, filed taxes here. It appears my bureaucratic battles are just beginning. This is bad.

Oh yeah, and the darn SI joint slid. Right on down a Slip'n'Slide (or, what some of us call it yoga). Probably not yelling wheeeeeeee the whole way. But I've been chiropractored, so I'm patched back together for the now. Just in time for boxing. Yay!

Yeah, that's kinda the weekend....

Rowing! It's baa-aaaaack + weather statements! And thunder!

2010-04-22T16:53:00.000-04:00

Yep, have dusted off Pepper's proud purple cover that keeps her slightly careworn sleek purple hide shining. To weirdly mix metaphors.

Fourth row this morning. And I noticed something this morning. This trying-to-row-semi-fast business? It's hard work. I spent a sliver of my row blaming impeller (equipment) failure for reflecting such a low split ... but I wasn't v persuasive, even to myself.

But, highlight of morning's row? Me and the white swan, hanging out together on the river, no one else in sight. At least I think it was a swan. It sure looked like a swan. Are there swans on the Charles? Is that possible?

Anyway, the swanlike thing, it was lovely. Right after the Northeastern boathouse, heading upstream, I turn the corner, and there it was, floating in the middle of the river. It's not like you never see them or never curse at them while trying to avoid (while at full pressure) a combo of them, bridges and other boats, but today, it was mellow, just an open river, me & Pepper, and Mr/Ms Swan. Pretty cool.

So, now that I'm talking rowing again, you'll undoubtedly remember the mileage saga from last year.... No, I didn't hit 500 (sigh), yes, I did get to keep my rack space (bigger sigh of relief). This year, I must, I must! 500, man. So, I'm starting to keep track, because it'll be December before you know it. Promise.

I was surprised by how smooth my first row in a single was, two weeks ago. Me being the cautious me that I can be (I'm channeling Dr Seuss!), I waited until most of the boathouse was already out rowing to slightly shame me into it. It's just that a part of me really thinks I might die, y'all! For real. Rowing in wind, cold temps, colder water ... tho I've never flipped, I know it'll happen one day, and I rather it not be on a day when water and/or air temps will kill me. But, this healthy fear can get a little carried away. A leetle.

So, I waited til April to start rowing. So what! Anyway, first row, the first few strokes are always highly, highly (highly) wobbly. I feel like it took me a few rows last year before I started gaining a sense of comfortableness, but maybe that's just the PR my highly cautious you're-gonna-die! side fed me. But this time, I rowed up to the nearby River St bridge, and was like, yeah, OK, this rowing thing, I got it. I jumped into the coaching session and even got some praise from the coach. My rowing in a single seems to be much better than in a double. Funny, double is much more stable, but then you've gotta sync up with someone and being in bow (steering) is always kinda stressful the first handful of times.

Other cool rowing thing -- my third row out, last Sunday, light rain/drizzle falling, gliding from under a bridge, the hiss of light rain hitting the water. Love that sound.

Now, on to my other great love ... weather!

How I love, love, love weather statements! The all-caps, the funny wording, the caution mixed with "impending disaster" in its warnings. And, more than anything, how I love storms! Summer storms are just as good as winter ones, fun and exciting in a whole different way. As long as I'm not out on the water -- remember my near heart attack with that last year? Yes, me, too. No more of that, please. But, otherwise -- thunder? lightening? Bring 'em!

So, check out today's orange weather alert!

Special Weather Statement for Southeast Middlesex, MA

Issued by The National Weather Service
Boston, MA
2:19 pm EDT, Thu., Apr. 22, 2010

... SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS DEVELOPING THIS AFTERNOON...

UNSEASONABLY WARM TEMPERATURES IN THE 60S WILL FUEL SHOWERS AND ISOLATED THUNDERSTORMS THIS AFTERNOON. PEOPLE WITH OUTDOOR INTERESTS THIS AFTERNOON SHOULD REMAIN ALERT AS SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS COULD DEVELOP RIGHT OVERHEAD. [C'mon, this is awkwardly charming, admit it! "Right overhead"?? gasp] WHILE LIGHTNING IS EXPECTED TO BE INFREQUENT... IT WILL STILL BE A RISK WHICH COULD STRIKE WITH LITTLE OR NO WARNING. [Ha! Take that, infidels!] SMALL HAIL COULD ALSO ACCOMPANY THE STRONGEST THUNDERSTORMS THIS AFTERNOON. [God only knows what harm that could wreak ... small hail?? Ruuuunnnnnnnnnnnn!]

THE MAIN PERIOD OF CONCERN WILL BE THROUGH 8 PM. ONCE THE SUN SETS THIS EVENING... THE INTENSITY OF THESE SHOWERS AND ANY THUNDERSTORMS WILL RAPIDLY DIMINISH. [See, a happy ending.]

May you all have an all-cap thunderstormy kind of night! It's thundering here!! !! !!